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[personal profile] n3m3sis43
The Voice in my Head
(inspired by Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat)

The words would not flow.
It was too hard to write.
So I stared at the screen
all day long and all night.

I messaged Alicia.
We chatted a bit.
And I said, "How I wish
all my writing weren't shit!"

My muse was away
and would not come to call.
So I wasted my day.
I wrote nothing at all.

So all I could do was to
And I did not like it.
Not one little bit.

Then I said, "What the fuck?
I don't care if it sucks."
I typed,
then deleted and whined to my friend,
"It's tripe!"
And I heard it.
The voice in my head.
And it said to me,
"What kind of 'writer' are you?
Your plot's full of holes
and your humor's not funny.
And nobody
likes your main character, honey."

"I know some good ways I could help,"
said the voice.
"I have some good crit,"
said the voice in my head.
"A lot of good crit.
I will give it to you.
"Your 'readers' will thank me so much if I do."

Then suddenly I
did not know what to say.
My word count was already low
for the day.

But my friend said, "No! No!
Make that voice go away!
Tell that voice in your head
you do NOT want to play.
It should not be there.
It will make you morose.
It should not be there
With your deadline so close!"

"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" the voice pled.
"My crit is not bad,"
said the voice in my head.
"Why, this could be
quite a good piece," the voice said,
"with a technique I call
rip-rip-rip it to shreds!"

"Fucking Christ," said my friend.
"Let's not do this again!"
"Gotta go," said my friend,
and she signed off IM.

"Have no fear!" said the voice.
"I would not steer you wrong.
I will beta for you
I will make your piece strong.
By deleting this poo
and then writing instead--
good words," said the voice, said the voice
in my head.

"Look at this!
Look at your ghastly word choice.
And your info-dumps, oh--
and your character's voice!
He can't talk like this, dude!
He can't say 'fuck' this much!
Oh, the sentence fragments!
And your 'worldbuilding' sucks!
And look!
This is not realistic at all!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all..."

"Listen up!
Listen up!
Listen up NOW!
It is good to use words
but you have to know how.
I can teach you to write
things that people will read!
Just as soon as you scrap
this ridiculous screed.
You must shitcan this 'plot'--
your 'protagonist,' too!
And then with my help
you can write something new.
You can write something great
if you do as I say!
But never your way.
Oh, no.
Never your way."

That is what the voice said...
So I sat on my bed.
I sat there like a lump
and I wanted to quit.
Then I said to the voice,
"Fuck you and all your 'crit'!"

So I took a long nap
and I thought and I thought.
I said, "Are you helping?
Oh, no! You are not.
You're not helping me grow
or write something worth shit.
No, you are not helping,
not one little bit!"

"Get out of my head!"
said myself to the voice.
"I have to write now!
Deadline's Monday--no choice!
You tore down my plot
and my characters too.
You wasted my time
and I wrote nothing new.
You SHOULD NOT be here,
mean old voice in my head."
So I banished that voice
and I wrote this instead.

Date: 2014-10-05 02:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
I like your cool poem,
Really I do!
I'm sure, in your head,
You think it's poo
But it's not
So you'll see
They'll like it too
If not, well then
I'll kill them for you...

;D <3

Date: 2014-10-06 10:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Hehehehe... I am not a poetry person, like, at all. I don't read much of it and I definitely do not write it. But I do read a ton of Dr. Seuss to my kid and it suddenly hit me that if none of my other ideas were working anyway it wouldn't hurt to try this.

Glad you like it! <3

Date: 2014-10-05 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you were like FUCK IT, I'LL WRITE THIS INSTEAD.

Because really, this is amaze.

Date: 2014-10-06 10:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. I know I don't know shit about poetry and parodies are hard and all, but I have an okay sense of rhythm and, you know, I've been reading a lot of Dr. Seuss lately. At least this was fun to write. XD

Date: 2014-10-05 02:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mallorys-camera.livejournal.com
I am loving this very, very much. :-)

Date: 2014-10-06 10:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! It was fun (and therapeutic!) to write. :)

Date: 2014-10-05 03:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] medleymisty.livejournal.com
I like the rhyme and the rhythm. And the voice sucks, I know. *hugs*

Date: 2014-10-06 10:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thanks so much. I don't really "get" or "do" poetry, but I do currently read my kid a lot of Dr. Seuss. This was very therapeutic to write. *hugs back*

Date: 2014-10-05 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crisp-sobriety.livejournal.com
Oh, friend. I am having THIS EXACT PROBLEM with this damn prompt.

This is wonderful, and so accurate!
Edited Date: 2014-10-05 09:36 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-10-06 10:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
I hope you come up with something, because I want to keep seeing your writing here. If you would like to see my list of (probably not super inspired) brainstorming ideas, I will be happy to share. I thought of a lot of angles for the prompt and just couldn't make any of my attempted piece work. Gahhhh.

And thank you! It was incredibly therapeutic to write.

Date: 2014-10-05 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tatdatcm.livejournal.com
You are awesome, and this proves it! That voice in your head is shit. :)

Love, love, love this!!

Date: 2014-10-06 11:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. This was really therapeutic to write, and while it didn't solve my overall issues with some of my long-term projects, it did make me feel at least a little better about my abilities. :)

Date: 2014-10-05 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
bwahahaha This is awesome!

Date: 2014-10-06 11:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!! I had a lot of fun with it. :)

Date: 2014-10-05 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beeker121.livejournal.com
This is adorable and accurate. I think that voice attacks us all sometimes, good for you for banishing it with, uh, not poetry.

Date: 2014-10-06 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I totally do not "get" poetry, either as a reader or a writer. But I do spend a lot of time reading Dr. Seuss to my son, so I feel comfortable with that sort of rhythm.

This was really therapeutic to write. :D

Date: 2014-10-05 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com
Yay you! *hugs* Also, this poem is amazing.

Date: 2014-10-06 01:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com

Thank you so much. I wasn't sure how well I'd do at a parody, but I really, really wanted to try it. It was very therapeutic and amusing to write. :)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com - Date: 2014-10-07 05:11 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2014-10-06 01:27 am (UTC)
brightflower: (Default)
From: [personal profile] brightflower
I love this! Your Seuss voice is on point, and I also enjoyed the content. Writers really do need to shut off their inner critic sometimes in order to get shit done!

Date: 2014-10-06 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!!

I was worried about capturing the voice and the meter. I don't really do poetry (which this is somewhat close to), and depending on who you ask, I'm either good at voice or really, really bad at it. XD

My inner critic is very loud lately and it's a total asshole. It was really therapeutic to write this.

Date: 2014-10-06 03:29 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-10-06 04:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Heee... thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was super depressed on Saturday and writing this made me feel so much better. :)

Date: 2014-10-07 12:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellison.livejournal.com
This rocks!! I feel like any writer could identify with it. This was my favorite part:

"He can't talk like this, dude!
He can't say 'fuck' this much!
Oh, the sentence fragments!
And your 'worldbuilding' sucks!"

Haha, omg, my inner critic and yours must be drinking beers together or something. BASTARDS!!

I really like this, well done! :)

Date: 2014-10-08 09:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Hahaha... we should lock our inner critics in a room together for a day or two sometime and see how much they like each other them.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :D

Date: 2014-10-07 02:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com
Hey, it's my poll buddy! Would it be bad form to hope Gary eliminates everyone in-between me and the rest of my buddies so's we could all be in a row? Um, nevermind, I'm thinking it probably would. Oh well.

So, one of the gadgets I sell recently got the ability to do online downloads from a library very important to the blind community. When I had the beta software, and was preparing to demo it, I asked the product manager, "What book do you recommend downloading?" "The Cat In The Hat," said he, "it's a nice short download, and everyone knows it." LOL

This was fun, and I'm glad you defeated the inner voice of doom.


Date: 2014-10-08 09:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Hi, poll buddy!!

I guess everyone does know it, although I never realized how stinkin' LONG that book was until Max got old enough to still through the whole thing. When I was doing the parody, I realized it is 1620 words. And they say today's kids don't have attention spans. :)

Date: 2014-10-07 10:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uncawes.livejournal.com
I'm liking your entry
Most surely I am
Your writing's not shit
It's like Green Eggs and Ham

When the voice in your head says
You suck! You should quit!
then just pay no attention
No, not one little bit


Date: 2014-10-08 09:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I enjoyed your poetic response. :D

Date: 2014-10-07 10:16 am (UTC)
meridian_rose: pen on letter background  with text  saying 'writer' (Default)
From: [personal profile] meridian_rose
This was a lot of fun! I think we've all suffered from the inner critic's voice that has a place *after* we've written something rather than making us afraid to write at all!

Date: 2014-10-08 09:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you! :)

I do know that version of the inner critic, too. Mine personally thinks it's fun to jump out at me while I'm trying to write so that I'm paralyzed and edit the same paragraph for like an hour.

Date: 2014-10-07 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kehlen-crow.livejournal.com
Hahaha. So very familiar. Have to banish that voice too almost every week :D

Date: 2014-10-08 09:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Glad you enjoyed... good luck with you inner critic and keep writing! : )

Date: 2014-10-08 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grail76.livejournal.com
Just a touch of the good Doctor, Suess.

Date: 2014-10-08 09:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Hehehe. I hope you liked it. :)

Date: 2014-10-08 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] itsjustc.livejournal.com
haha! It's great - and like you say, very Dr Seuss-like!

Date: 2014-10-14 10:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! This is very different from anything I normally write, but it was so much fun to do.

Date: 2014-10-09 12:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] labelleizzy.livejournal.com
i have brainweasels too. Most effective thing ever is to tell them off OUT LOUD. "brainweasels, SHUT THE HELL UP" "Brainweasels, you tell only lies!" and the like.

I really enjoyed reading this, it was fun.

Date: 2014-10-14 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
I need to try that! STFU, brainweasels!! Thanks, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

Date: 2014-10-09 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] swirlsofblue.livejournal.com
LOVE this poem, it's so funny and amusing and at the same time a very accurate portrayal of that malicious voice in our writer-heads, and yay for that ending.

Date: 2014-10-14 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I have been fighting that voice with varying degrees of success for a long time now. <3

Date: 2014-10-09 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistearyusdiva2.livejournal.com
Hehe i enjoyef this. I wish my inner voice'critted' with me. Loved your suess voiced parody. Well done.

Date: 2014-10-14 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Oh, man. Be careful what you wish for! Thank you so much for reading, and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :D

Date: 2014-10-09 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witches.livejournal.com
this is so great! 8D

Date: 2014-10-14 11:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!! :D

Date: 2014-10-10 12:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
And nobody
likes your main character, honey."

Hee-hee! You can still third-person him, or make him a background to another character. I vote third-person overall, because Brandon can't carry a story, Wes isn't strong enough, and Calla's robot POV might limit things a bit. But as part of the character soup, ALL of the characters are awesome!

Date: 2014-10-14 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
He was supposed to be a background to another character. You see how well that worked out. I really, really wanted Calla to be the protagonist. Really, I did. Although I suspect she's capable of being equally unlikable... it's interesting what people will excuse when it's a "strong female character" doing it.

Third person. Um. Yeah. That would be the logical choice, wouldn't it?

Date: 2014-10-10 12:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] favoritebean.livejournal.com
I thought this was really funny, only because that voice talks to all of us. I'm glad you got the voice out of your head to write this.

Good work!

Date: 2014-10-14 11:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. I had a really great time writing it, and it was extremely therapeutic because I was feeling very depressed about my writing last weekend until I came up with this idea. :)

Date: 2014-10-11 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pleasekillmel.livejournal.com
Ahahahaha. This is the greatest thing I have seen all day. If Dr Suess was prone to saying "fuck" I think this is exactly what it would sound like.

Date: 2014-10-14 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
Hahahaha... I'm so glad you liked it. XD

(perhaps if Dr. Seuss had been born a few decades later?)


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