Visiting Hours
Sep. 10th, 2012 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
n3m3sis43"Fucking Brendan!" Devin bursts into the room where I'm napping, startling me awake.
"What did he do this time?" I ask with a weary sigh. These days, it feels like half my time is spent breaking up fights between these two.
"It's what he didn't do that's the problem," Devin replies. "Remember how he wanted to raid that weapons stockpile, and you told him to wait?"
"Yeah," I say. "I wanted to rebuild our robot army first. That way, he'd have reinforcements."
"Apparently, he had his own ideas," Devin says, "He went ahead on his own, and now he's in jail."
Guess I'll have to catch up on my sleep some other time. Rubbing my eyes, I follow Devin into the living room where our other roommates are already sitting.
"Can't we just leave him in there?" he asks. "It's his own fault for being stupid."
"I second the motion. It's quieter here without him anyway," CallaBot laughs, raising her hand.
"He's my brother," I tell them. "We have to break him out."
"Yeah, and anyway," Wes says, "What if they torture him and he spills all our secrets?"
"Helloooooo, this still isn't an episode of NebulaQuest," Devin rolls his eyes at Wes.
"For once," I say, "Wes is actually making sense. In school, we had classes about interrogation techniques and how to resist them. So that must be a real thing. Although knowing Brendan, he's too stubborn to give anything up."
"And how exactly do you propose to free him?" CallaBot's voice drips with condescension.
I really need to adjust her attitude chip, I think.
"Maybe he could have another sneezing attack," Devin says.
"Laugh it up, pretty princess," I say. "I don't see you coming up with any ideas."
"Hey!" Wes objects. "I'm the only one who's allowed to call him that."
"No one is allowed to call me that," Devin snarls. "What's so wrong with being serious about personal hygiene? Man, catch a guy deep-conditioning one time..."
"Dude!" Wes shouts, interrupting his diatribe. "I know how we can bust Brendan out of jail. We can sneak in subdermal implants and use them to make lasers, like they did on this one episode of NebulaQuest!"
"Are you freaking kidding me?" CallaBot looks like she's about to fry Wes with her own lasers. "That is the worst idea I've ever heard. Well, except for all the other ideas you've ever had."
"That plan could work, in theory." I've never seen Devin look so reluctant. "There are subdermal transponders that use a crystalline energy source that shouldn't trip your standard weapons sensors. Exposing the crystals to light would create a primitive laser. Using that, we should be able to subdue a guard, allowing Brendan to escape."
"See? I do have good ideas!" Wes yells in triumph. "I can easily score us some of those transponders!"
"I'm with CallaBot," I say. "That sounds like a terrible idea."
Wes's face falls.
"But since we don't really have any other tricks up our sleeves, we might as well try it anyway."
* * * * *
"Kalen, cut it out! Your pacing is making me anxious," CallaBot says.
"I'm sorry," I say, sitting down on the couch. "It's just that Wes and Devin should have been back by now. I wish we could have gone with them to spring Brendan from jail."
"Yeah, but you know that's not possible. As the best-known terrorist in the land, you can't exactly just show up for visiting hours at a public prison."
"Maybe I could have worn a disguise or something - "
"Riiiiight, that's you. Master of subterfuge," CallaBot says, cutting me off.
I'm about to start pacing again when the door flies open. Wes and Devin stomp inside, looking sweaty and irritated. Cruising along behind them is a large, squat security robot. The robot is carrying my brother, unconscious and trussed up like a pig.
"What the hell happened, you guys?" I ask them.
"Everything was going fine at first," Wes says. "Brendan was out of his cell in no time. Then on the way out, he got in a fight with another inmate and almost got us thrown in the brig!"
"It's not called a 'brig' in real life, you tool," Devin hisses.
"Anyway," Wes continues, "Devin sneaked up behind Brendan and conked him on the head."
"Yeah, but since this mental deficient must weigh a ton and a half," Devin says, gesturing at my brother, "then we had to reprogram this SecurityBot to carry him home. It was a real clusterfuck."
"But dude, on the bright side?" Wes says. "My plan totally worked!"
Author's Note: For those you of you who are not giantNebulaQuest Star Trek geeks like I am, the escape plot in this story is based on this episode of Star Trek, the original series.
"What did he do this time?" I ask with a weary sigh. These days, it feels like half my time is spent breaking up fights between these two.
"It's what he didn't do that's the problem," Devin replies. "Remember how he wanted to raid that weapons stockpile, and you told him to wait?"
"Yeah," I say. "I wanted to rebuild our robot army first. That way, he'd have reinforcements."
"Apparently, he had his own ideas," Devin says, "He went ahead on his own, and now he's in jail."
Guess I'll have to catch up on my sleep some other time. Rubbing my eyes, I follow Devin into the living room where our other roommates are already sitting.
"Can't we just leave him in there?" he asks. "It's his own fault for being stupid."
"I second the motion. It's quieter here without him anyway," CallaBot laughs, raising her hand.
"He's my brother," I tell them. "We have to break him out."
"Yeah, and anyway," Wes says, "What if they torture him and he spills all our secrets?"
"Helloooooo, this still isn't an episode of NebulaQuest," Devin rolls his eyes at Wes.
"For once," I say, "Wes is actually making sense. In school, we had classes about interrogation techniques and how to resist them. So that must be a real thing. Although knowing Brendan, he's too stubborn to give anything up."
"And how exactly do you propose to free him?" CallaBot's voice drips with condescension.
I really need to adjust her attitude chip, I think.
"Maybe he could have another sneezing attack," Devin says.
"Laugh it up, pretty princess," I say. "I don't see you coming up with any ideas."
"Hey!" Wes objects. "I'm the only one who's allowed to call him that."
"No one is allowed to call me that," Devin snarls. "What's so wrong with being serious about personal hygiene? Man, catch a guy deep-conditioning one time..."
"Dude!" Wes shouts, interrupting his diatribe. "I know how we can bust Brendan out of jail. We can sneak in subdermal implants and use them to make lasers, like they did on this one episode of NebulaQuest!"
"Are you freaking kidding me?" CallaBot looks like she's about to fry Wes with her own lasers. "That is the worst idea I've ever heard. Well, except for all the other ideas you've ever had."
"That plan could work, in theory." I've never seen Devin look so reluctant. "There are subdermal transponders that use a crystalline energy source that shouldn't trip your standard weapons sensors. Exposing the crystals to light would create a primitive laser. Using that, we should be able to subdue a guard, allowing Brendan to escape."
"See? I do have good ideas!" Wes yells in triumph. "I can easily score us some of those transponders!"
"I'm with CallaBot," I say. "That sounds like a terrible idea."
Wes's face falls.
"But since we don't really have any other tricks up our sleeves, we might as well try it anyway."
"Kalen, cut it out! Your pacing is making me anxious," CallaBot says.
"I'm sorry," I say, sitting down on the couch. "It's just that Wes and Devin should have been back by now. I wish we could have gone with them to spring Brendan from jail."
"Yeah, but you know that's not possible. As the best-known terrorist in the land, you can't exactly just show up for visiting hours at a public prison."
"Maybe I could have worn a disguise or something - "
"Riiiiight, that's you. Master of subterfuge," CallaBot says, cutting me off.
I'm about to start pacing again when the door flies open. Wes and Devin stomp inside, looking sweaty and irritated. Cruising along behind them is a large, squat security robot. The robot is carrying my brother, unconscious and trussed up like a pig.
"What the hell happened, you guys?" I ask them.
"Everything was going fine at first," Wes says. "Brendan was out of his cell in no time. Then on the way out, he got in a fight with another inmate and almost got us thrown in the brig!"
"It's not called a 'brig' in real life, you tool," Devin hisses.
"Anyway," Wes continues, "Devin sneaked up behind Brendan and conked him on the head."
"Yeah, but since this mental deficient must weigh a ton and a half," Devin says, gesturing at my brother, "then we had to reprogram this SecurityBot to carry him home. It was a real clusterfuck."
"But dude, on the bright side?" Wes says. "My plan totally worked!"
Author's Note: For those you of you who are not giant
