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I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost
"Devin, wake up. Please."
Those fucking words. Over and over, like some kind of refrain. They won't go away. I try to ignore them. Try to sleep. Want sleep. Need it. Too many late nights.
No fucking use. The words don't stop. I open my eyes. Wes.
"The fuck, Wes?"
His eyes are huge. Fucking scared. He's shivering, all but climbing into fucking bed with me.
"Devin! There's a ghost and it's haunting my room!"
I groan. Pull the fucking covers over my head. Close my eyes. But he's grabbing my arm. Shaking my shoulder.
"There's no such thing as fucking ghosts, Wes." I sit up, rub my eyes. He's not gonna go away. Might as well fucking accept it. As if I have a choice. He grabs my arm, pulls me out of bed. Drags me down the hall.
"There's this creepy t-tapping, Devin. It must be a lost soul, trying to get in. Don't let it hurt me!"
Fucking Lost Souls' Day.
Back home, it doesn't exist. Here, it's a big thing. Pretty sure it's just designed to scare little kids into being good. Of course Wes believes. Believes there are really lost souls wandering around one day each year. Why the fuck wouldn't he?
It's dark in his room. Fog's clearing in my head. Must not have been asleep for long.
"Did you see anything?" I ask.
"I - " Wes looks ashamed. "I was too s-scared to look."
Probably just a tree branch. I groan. Fucking Wes. I walk to the window, pull back the curtains.
And I gasp as my fucking blood turns to ice. What the fuck is he doing here?
Not that I can fucking tell who he is. Not from here. But he's tossing pebbles at the window and it's my fucking fault.
I have needs, okay? I'm 21 years old. High fucking sex drive. Single fucking guy. Nothing wrong with meeting a few guys on the Splinternet every now and then. Or once a week. Or maybe a little more often lately.
What? It's stressful with all these people living here now. Gotta blow off steam.
But I'm not fucking stupid. I never give them my address. Never bring them here. Most of them don't even know my real name. I'm a private fucking person. Don't want them bugging me. Don't want them bugging Wes.
Which he's doing right now. Throwing fucking pebbles at a window he must think is mine. Fuck.
"Devin?" Wes is standing at the door. Too scared to come in his own room. My fucking fault.
Fuck. Gotta tell him something. Anything. Think, Devin.
"Think there might be a fucking ghost. Just a tiny one." Fucking brilliant.
"W- what?" Wes's voice is shrill. Fucking terrified.
"It's okay, man. I'm gonna take care of it. Just stay calm." I open the window. Now what?
"Y- you gotta do the G- Ghost Dance." Wes's teeth are chattering. Actually fucking clicking together.
"The what?" Please tell me this isn't a fucking real thing.
"K- Kalen told me about it. He and Brendan learned it in school when they were k- kids."
Fucking seriously?
"You gotta do it, Devin. Otherwise, that ghost'll h- haunt me all night."
Guess it's either that or let him sleep in my bed. Not that Wes wouldn't love that anyway, but it's not gonna fucking happen. Ghost Dance it is.
"Devin, I know you're in there," this creepy voice hisses from outside. Yup. Definitely here because of me. Fuck.
"Did you hear that?" Wes shrieks. "The ghost said your name!"
"Fucking figures." My voice is actually shaking a little. "Guess I haven't been as good as I could've been this year." Fucking understatement. "Don't suppose you know how to do the Ghost Dance, Wes?"
"Kalen showed me before. It just looked like a lot of jumping and waving your arms around. Try that?"
Oh, fuck no. No way am I gonna flail around like I'm having some kind of fucking episode. Only I have to. Either that or explain what's really going on. I raise my arms, move them halfheartedly. Give my hips a tiny wiggle.
"I - I think it needs more jumping." Wes sounds a little less scared now. Fucking amused.
I bend my knees. Do a couple tentative bounces, wave my arms a little more. "Please tell me that's fucking good enough."
"Now you gotta yell, 'BEGONE, EVIL SPIRIT!' and spin around in a circle until you fall down," Wes says.
Is he fucking making this up? But I've got no choice. Might as well fucking get it over with. I lean out the window as far as I can. My yell is more of a whisper. Maybe he won't fucking hear me.
"Ghost'll never hear that, Devin. Gotta be louder." I can fucking hear Wes's grin. At least he's feeling better?
"BEGONE, EVIL SPIRIT!" My voice is so loud this time it even startles me. I lift my arms. Spin in a fucking circle. Start to get dizzy before I hear a snort and then cackling.
Robotic fucking cackling.
I stop spinning. Look out the window again. That guy out there? Not a fucking guy at all. More like a shiny metal woman. Fucking CallaBot.
"Who's winning the prank war now, Devin?" she calls.
I turn to Wes. Please fucking tell me he wasn't in on this. Poor guy looks just as shocked as me.
"It was all just a joke?" His eyes are still fucking huge. Like he's not sure it's safe.
"Yeah. Just a joke. Gonna fucking kill that robot." My mind is spinning, already trying to plot my next prank.
"Hey, Devin?" Wes's voice is shaking a little. Can't tell if he's still scared or trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, Wes."
"Thanks for looking out for me, dude. Even if it wasn't a real ghost." His eyes are shining like I'm some kind of fucking hero. Makes my stomach ache. Just a tiny bit.
"No big deal, Wes." I manage. "It's what I fucking do. Now go to sleep."