OOOOOH. See for some reason I thought the suspicion and stuff would be on Kalen's side, and the chocolate would be on Calla's side... not sure WHY I thought that, I guess because to me chocolate is a "thing of excess" (which I eat in excess, hurr hurr). That makes much more sense now. I can't think of any way to make it more clear, except perhaps... hmm. Unless it comes up in Devin's musings, or Kalen mentions to Calla that his insurgent friends are from her side of things (though that likely wouldn't make her trust him much?). Or you could just leave it and chalk it up to me being special.
I've had to do unfuckenings so many times. Sooooooo many times. There is an incarnation of Doc in pretty much everything I write and he's... vocal. His character in Wolves is just downright offensive, even to me.
You say that nothing happens, but I actually enjoyed the "slice of life" aspect. With the whole Something Bad That Changes Everything looming on the horizon, you need the slice of life stuff so that the reader can appreciate just how much the characters lose - it's a matter of showing rather than telling, and showing is almost so much more powerful.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2013-01-25 07:02 pm (UTC)I've had to do unfuckenings so many times. Sooooooo many times. There is an incarnation of Doc in pretty much everything I write and he's... vocal. His character in Wolves is just downright offensive, even to me.
You say that nothing happens, but I actually enjoyed the "slice of life" aspect. With the whole Something Bad That Changes Everything looming on the horizon, you need the slice of life stuff so that the reader can appreciate just how much the characters lose - it's a matter of showing rather than telling, and showing is almost so much more powerful.