Ok, yay. I time-skip a lot and I'm glad skipping the library trip itself worked for you, because I was worried about that. I think some people find my time-skippiness confusing or distracting, at least at first. Well, one of my friends has mentioned it being confusing in one story. So if you notice it being at any point, definitely let me know. Although given that you write out of order (or at least Edi tells you stuff out of order), I'm thinking you might be like me and have more of a tolerance for that kind of thing.
Yup, late teens. Kalen and Calla are both 17 at the start of the book. Brendan is 18, Devin is 21 and Wes is 22. Wes and Devin do not act their ages very well.
I'm torn on whether your impression of Calla is a problem or not. The thing is, she is kind of sarcastic with a tendency to be actually mean overall. And at the beginning of the book, she's really pissed off about her situation in life in general. Except... the problem is - well, there are two. I kind of didn't want/expect her pissed-offedness/petulance to come through so much until the next chapter she's in. And I can't decide if I was wrong about that all along and it happens earlier (I can accept the possibility of that) or if I just did a clumsy edit. The last section is the one that got edited the least from its original version. The original version was written before I knew any of the characters at all (it was the first story I wrote about them at all). So hm I'm trying to decide whether I'm wrong about when exactly she gets really pissed off or if her voice isn't coming through correctly in that part or what. Her character does get developed, although it might take a few minutes for you to warm up to her.
Kalen's appearance is important, although you do not necessarily find that out until book 2 because my characters think they're better researchers than they actually are.
His moments of darkness and mention of rebellion are out of character for him, but they also aren't. His character is the hardest for me in this book, both because he speaks to me the least (Wes and Devin talk over him any time they are in a scene with him, so I kind of don't blame him) and also because what he does in the first chapter is something he wants to do but it is way out of character. It takes a toll on him for the rest of the book and I'm not sure I'm doing a great job telling the rest of his story in this book. Maybe this is something you can help me figure out if you end up sticking with me through this whole thing. :D
Thanks again for your thoughtful and interesting comments. I'm going to try to stop angsting about whether the rest of the book is going to be a disappointment after this opening.
Re: Final Section
Yup, late teens. Kalen and Calla are both 17 at the start of the book. Brendan is 18, Devin is 21 and Wes is 22. Wes and Devin do not act their ages very well.
I'm torn on whether your impression of Calla is a problem or not. The thing is, she is kind of sarcastic with a tendency to be actually mean overall. And at the beginning of the book, she's really pissed off about her situation in life in general. Except... the problem is - well, there are two. I kind of didn't want/expect her pissed-offedness/petulance to come through so much until the next chapter she's in. And I can't decide if I was wrong about that all along and it happens earlier (I can accept the possibility of that) or if I just did a clumsy edit. The last section is the one that got edited the least from its original version. The original version was written before I knew any of the characters at all (it was the first story I wrote about them at all). So hm I'm trying to decide whether I'm wrong about when exactly she gets really pissed off or if her voice isn't coming through correctly in that part or what. Her character does get developed, although it might take a few minutes for you to warm up to her.
Kalen's appearance is important, although you do not necessarily find that out until book 2 because my characters think they're better researchers than they actually are.
His moments of darkness and mention of rebellion are out of character for him, but they also aren't. His character is the hardest for me in this book, both because he speaks to me the least (Wes and Devin talk over him any time they are in a scene with him, so I kind of don't blame him) and also because what he does in the first chapter is something he wants to do but it is way out of character. It takes a toll on him for the rest of the book and I'm not sure I'm doing a great job telling the rest of his story in this book. Maybe this is something you can help me figure out if you end up sticking with me through this whole thing. :D
Thanks again for your thoughtful and interesting comments. I'm going to try to stop angsting about whether the rest of the book is going to be a disappointment after this opening.