It took me awhile to realize there was a time jump. And a significant one. I missed the point of him saying summer is half over. It just didn't connect with me that this was later on from the first part which made the whole thing sound off.
I really liked the writing and the little glimpses into their world. Robot Scrabble is an awesome idea. Although having modern like game names seemed off in what is obvious NOT our world. But I can accept that kind of stuff if the rest of the story sucks me in. Despite my initial confusion with the time jump I enjoyed the second part. I would have like to have gotten to know them more first. See their friendship grow or at least have that part mentioned so I know how things progressed from stranger to friends in half a summer.
I think it was the part about Kalen's crush that really threw me off. It seemed to pop out of nowhere with absolutely no explanation so it didn't feel real. Why does he have a crush on her? Is it simply because she's the first girl he's met that's nice? Is there something about her he likes specifically? Why doesn't Calla reciprocate? I like that she sees him as just a friend (even though everything I read has romance in it--it's good not to have the whole "love at first sight" thing right at the beginning).
The end of the 2nd section is what really had me hooked. I could ignore the jump from first meeting to friends because the idea of them going on an adventure to find a lost library really grabbed me. I was excited to find out what happened. What would they find? What would happen along the way? What about the "bedding down" which I imagined being pretty funny with the awkwardness.
But then none of that is shown. (on to section three)
The writing is still tight and the voices are still true.
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timeasmymeasure
second section
Date: 2013-03-11 02:50 am (UTC)I really liked the writing and the little glimpses into their world. Robot Scrabble is an awesome idea. Although having modern like game names seemed off in what is obvious NOT our world. But I can accept that kind of stuff if the rest of the story sucks me in. Despite my initial confusion with the time jump I enjoyed the second part. I would have like to have gotten to know them more first. See their friendship grow or at least have that part mentioned so I know how things progressed from stranger to friends in half a summer.
I think it was the part about Kalen's crush that really threw me off. It seemed to pop out of nowhere with absolutely no explanation so it didn't feel real. Why does he have a crush on her? Is it simply because she's the first girl he's met that's nice? Is there something about her he likes specifically? Why doesn't Calla reciprocate? I like that she sees him as just a friend (even though everything I read has romance in it--it's good not to have the whole "love at first sight" thing right at the beginning).
The end of the 2nd section is what really had me hooked. I could ignore the jump from first meeting to friends because the idea of them going on an adventure to find a lost library really grabbed me. I was excited to find out what happened. What would they find? What would happen along the way? What about the "bedding down" which I imagined being pretty funny with the awkwardness.
But then none of that is shown. (on to section three)
The writing is still tight and the voices are still true.