Okay, so of course now that my kid is asleep, I'm sleepy too. But I'm trying to come back and respond to what I left out of my responses in the first comment.
I can see Devin being the one to interrogate Zack, and it would bring out the side of him you like so much, which would be a nice contrast with the side of him that shows up later when he's alone with Calla. It could really be either him or Calla, because Calla takes on sort of a leader-esque role after a while. But maybe not so much yet.
Scene 3 feeling rushed -- do you have some advice on how to make it feel less so? I'm thinking that despite what I mentioned in a comment below (about Devin being drawn to Calla because she hates him), it might take a little bit more for him to open up. Like, he might show up and then just sit there and not say stuff. To the point where Calla would say something snarky, wanting to know why he's bothering her, and eventually he'd end up talking more.
Wes's family. The basic gist of it is that his parents are some of the "naive scientists" I mentioned when I explained in a comment to an earlier chapter about the very rich. They have some sort of code of honor that involves not spying on their own. Wes trusts them, because they raised him to be trusting and trustworthy. They're honest people.
And it never gets explained in the story so far. His family is plot-relevant in book 2 but I need to explain at least the above about them soon, I think. I have an idea for splitting (and probably expanding) this chapter that I'm going to explain below when I talk about the kidnapping thing. But if I do that, maybe the section where Wes and Devin are talking alone and Calla's eavesdropping could explain that Wes's family's code of honor more through the dialogue.
Hopefully my thoughts are more coherent than my brain feels. You always give me so much to think about!
Re: some thoughts
I can see Devin being the one to interrogate Zack, and it would bring out the side of him you like so much, which would be a nice contrast with the side of him that shows up later when he's alone with Calla. It could really be either him or Calla, because Calla takes on sort of a leader-esque role after a while. But maybe not so much yet.
Scene 3 feeling rushed -- do you have some advice on how to make it feel less so? I'm thinking that despite what I mentioned in a comment below (about Devin being drawn to Calla because she hates him), it might take a little bit more for him to open up. Like, he might show up and then just sit there and not say stuff. To the point where Calla would say something snarky, wanting to know why he's bothering her, and eventually he'd end up talking more.
Wes's family. The basic gist of it is that his parents are some of the "naive scientists" I mentioned when I explained in a comment to an earlier chapter about the very rich. They have some sort of code of honor that involves not spying on their own. Wes trusts them, because they raised him to be trusting and trustworthy. They're honest people.
And it never gets explained in the story so far. His family is plot-relevant in book 2 but I need to explain at least the above about them soon, I think. I have an idea for splitting (and probably expanding) this chapter that I'm going to explain below when I talk about the kidnapping thing. But if I do that, maybe the section where Wes and Devin are talking alone and Calla's eavesdropping could explain that Wes's family's code of honor more through the dialogue.
Hopefully my thoughts are more coherent than my brain feels. You always give me so much to think about!