Okay, first off since it's on my mind. The first scene was really funny. I loved seeing how Call woke Devin up. But since this scene takes place before the previous chapter seemed really out of place.
Although you said you might take it out with the next rewrite depending on what you did with the chapter 7 I think you should at least try to rework it in somewhere because it's funny. You might have to change it but keep some of it.
There was some good information in there about Calla learning about her abilities. Also the rocket launcher thing was hilarious. I want to know what the hell Devin dreams about, lol.
Another thing that came to mind but is completely nit-picky was the house. Just the way it's described. I assume the story takes place in the distant future but when their house is described I think of something now, in the suburbs or something. It's got at least 3 bedrooms plus a basement with a bathroom. I don't even have a house that nice. Devin is always worried about money so it seems weird he'd choose to live in such a big, nice house (with apparently walk in closets!). When I think of it on my own I picture the two of them living in a little run down 2 bedroom with a sagging front porch, shutters falling off, paint peeling. In side the carpet has been torn out, the furniture is old and broken, the kitchen is kind of antiquated but useable (and tiny because old houses had tiny kitchens) and every space has junk on it. The I remind myself Devin is kind of a neat freak so maybe the house is in order on the inside even if it's falling apart. I also picture an entire neighborhood of rundown little houses, maybe some better taken care of than other but still a poor man's neighborhood.
But when I read your descriptions it comes off as this nice, big house with all the amenities. And it sounds so modern.
I guess I get the whole rundown thing because there's supposed to be this endless war going on around them so I figure there's not enough resources put towards housing. People live where they can find a roof, no matter how full of holes it is. Except maybe in the center of the city where the important, rich people live where they are always building towers and more housing for the wealthy. I don't think Wes and Devin live in the worst possibly neighborhood--jut something that was probably middle class at some time but because of the war it's fallen on hard times and is struggling to get by.
Again, that's just nitpicky stuff but because what I imagine is now what you describe I keep getting pulled out of the story. Or I have to skip your descriptions and stick to my own (which means rewriting it all in my head as I read).
That's what came to mind when I read scene 1. Kind of all over the place.
scene 1
Although you said you might take it out with the next rewrite depending on what you did with the chapter 7 I think you should at least try to rework it in somewhere because it's funny. You might have to change it but keep some of it.
There was some good information in there about Calla learning about her abilities. Also the rocket launcher thing was hilarious. I want to know what the hell Devin dreams about, lol.
Another thing that came to mind but is completely nit-picky was the house. Just the way it's described. I assume the story takes place in the distant future but when their house is described I think of something now, in the suburbs or something. It's got at least 3 bedrooms plus a basement with a bathroom. I don't even have a house that nice. Devin is always worried about money so it seems weird he'd choose to live in such a big, nice house (with apparently walk in closets!). When I think of it on my own I picture the two of them living in a little run down 2 bedroom with a sagging front porch, shutters falling off, paint peeling. In side the carpet has been torn out, the furniture is old and broken, the kitchen is kind of antiquated but useable (and tiny because old houses had tiny kitchens) and every space has junk on it. The I remind myself Devin is kind of a neat freak so maybe the house is in order on the inside even if it's falling apart. I also picture an entire neighborhood of rundown little houses, maybe some better taken care of than other but still a poor man's neighborhood.
But when I read your descriptions it comes off as this nice, big house with all the amenities. And it sounds so modern.
I guess I get the whole rundown thing because there's supposed to be this endless war going on around them so I figure there's not enough resources put towards housing. People live where they can find a roof, no matter how full of holes it is. Except maybe in the center of the city where the important, rich people live where they are always building towers and more housing for the wealthy. I don't think Wes and Devin live in the worst possibly neighborhood--jut something that was probably middle class at some time but because of the war it's fallen on hard times and is struggling to get by.
Again, that's just nitpicky stuff but because what I imagine is now what you describe I keep getting pulled out of the story. Or I have to skip your descriptions and stick to my own (which means rewriting it all in my head as I read).
That's what came to mind when I read scene 1. Kind of all over the place.