Okay, this is one of those scenes that is hard to critique since you haven't decided on what happened after the bombing (whether Kalen stayed with Calla or not).
But based on the other chapters as written some notes.
There is a lot of information in this scene. Some of it's good (and should be kept/recycled in some form into a new chapter/other chapters).
Kalen explaining what happened after the bombing is good information (more on this later). The stuff about people looking to Kalen as the leader (although I have no idea why). The stuff about Kalen and his behavior change--very important. Finally mentioning Calla's issue with her emotions--really good.
It's all good information but I think it could be related in a better way. The chapter comes off as... I don't know. I can't seem to find the right word for it. It feels like too much explaining. This is what happened here. This is what happened next. Then this happened. Explaining everything that went on in their morning--very laboriously. By the time they got to actually talking I was skipping over stuff that was unimportant (like his breakfast). And I know I harped about details before but sometimes less is more.
The explanation Kalen gives Calla about what happened after the bomb just fell flat. It was way too direct. She asks and he just says it matter of factly. Which could be fine but it still sounds odd to hear someone confess like that with no emotion or care. It was too much telling it felt like. And I really can't explain what I mean.
I think it would have worked better something like this: His smile fades like the sun before a summer storm, guilt etched into his handsome features. He fidgets in his seat, squirming around, lifting his fork as if to take a bite then putting it back down. "I... uh..." He takes out a long breath then blows it out in a puff. His voice is low when he speaks, full of shame. "I panicked, okay. You were right all along. I'm not rebellion material, and this whole plan was a mistake. I'm so stupid. When the bomb went off I freaked out and ran. To protect myself. That's all I was thinking of." He stares at the table as if it held all the answers to the universe. "I'm so sorry."
What I wrote still conveys all the same information but sounds more natural. I think that's the word I was looking for before. What he said originally didn't feel natural. Honestly, the whole scene felt unnatural. Just really weird and out of place.
As for Kalen--I did not feel sorry for him. I felt like punching him in the face for being a whiny bitch. He needs something more redeeming to feel sorry for him. Maybe some actual remorse. Maybe him actually kind of trying instead of just hiding out. In that scene that could be just him getting irritated with Calla for what she's saying. Human emotions are complicated and even though he's feeling sorry for himself and thinks he's worthless he could still get defensive when someone else points it out. Not much. He could get all inflated and huffy then it could fizzle out as he realizes Calla is right. He could also say something like, "you're right but I don't know what to do about it." Or something.
Also you might want him to emphasis how he doesn't want to be a leader and he's refusing his "call" to be one. Not sure if he ever picks up the mantle later on.
scene 2
But based on the other chapters as written some notes.
There is a lot of information in this scene. Some of it's good (and should be kept/recycled in some form into a new chapter/other chapters).
Kalen explaining what happened after the bombing is good information (more on this later). The stuff about people looking to Kalen as the leader (although I have no idea why). The stuff about Kalen and his behavior change--very important. Finally mentioning Calla's issue with her emotions--really good.
It's all good information but I think it could be related in a better way. The chapter comes off as... I don't know. I can't seem to find the right word for it. It feels like too much explaining. This is what happened here. This is what happened next. Then this happened. Explaining everything that went on in their morning--very laboriously. By the time they got to actually talking I was skipping over stuff that was unimportant (like his breakfast). And I know I harped about details before but sometimes less is more.
The explanation Kalen gives Calla about what happened after the bomb just fell flat. It was way too direct. She asks and he just says it matter of factly. Which could be fine but it still sounds odd to hear someone confess like that with no emotion or care. It was too much telling it felt like. And I really can't explain what I mean.
I think it would have worked better something like this:
His smile fades like the sun before a summer storm, guilt etched into his handsome features. He fidgets in his seat, squirming around, lifting his fork as if to take a bite then putting it back down. "I... uh..." He takes out a long breath then blows it out in a puff. His voice is low when he speaks, full of shame. "I panicked, okay. You were right all along. I'm not rebellion material, and this whole plan was a mistake. I'm so stupid. When the bomb went off I freaked out and ran. To protect myself. That's all I was thinking of." He stares at the table as if it held all the answers to the universe. "I'm so sorry."
What I wrote still conveys all the same information but sounds more natural. I think that's the word I was looking for before. What he said originally didn't feel natural. Honestly, the whole scene felt unnatural. Just really weird and out of place.
As for Kalen--I did not feel sorry for him. I felt like punching him in the face for being a whiny bitch. He needs something more redeeming to feel sorry for him. Maybe some actual remorse. Maybe him actually kind of trying instead of just hiding out. In that scene that could be just him getting irritated with Calla for what she's saying. Human emotions are complicated and even though he's feeling sorry for himself and thinks he's worthless he could still get defensive when someone else points it out. Not much. He could get all inflated and huffy then it could fizzle out as he realizes Calla is right. He could also say something like, "you're right but I don't know what to do about it." Or something.
Also you might want him to emphasis how he doesn't want to be a leader and he's refusing his "call" to be one. Not sure if he ever picks up the mantle later on.