I just remembered another point I was going to bring up from scene 2. Calla explaining to Kalen where Wes & Devin are. This smacked of "the reader is too stupid to figure this out" kind of thing. Based on how the chapters are written we already found out where Wes and Devin are and how Calla got rid of them. There's no reason for her to reiterate it (and it comes off as patronizing to the reader, and boring--I just skipped over it since I already knew this information). It would work much better if she just said, "Oh, they'll be gone a while." No, Kalen won't be in on the secret but the reader is.
Which leads into scene 3. In that all the stuff about where Wes and Devin were is unneeded information. We know what they were doing (looking for the chip). Devin could make some sarcastic comment about how they didn't find her chip but here's all this and dump it at her feet. A good toe to toe snarkfest between Devin and Calla would be good while Wes enthusiastically shows Kalen everything they got.
And by this time, based on Kalen's behavior, I'd think they'd all be looking elsewhere for leadership.
Also about the insurgency. You might want to add in the detail that they are insurgents in name only earlier in the book. Because I keep picturing sleeper cells or something. They're just going about their business waiting for SideB's army to activate them as spies or whatever. They don't even realize it. The way this chapter describes them they are all talk and insurgent is a pretty common term for a dissenter (whether they take action or not).
This would work as a good set up for them actually being real insurgents though. Like Calla makes Kalen realize they really aren't important, just two guys hanging out and bitching about the government so he loses some faith. Only to have it revealed they are highly trained and activated later on. That's just what I get from the first few chapters. I doubt that's what happens.
Which leads me to another point I had wanted to make. The POVs. I've been thinking about it because this is now chapter 8 and we haven't seen Wes or Kalen's POV which I think would be important to rounding out the views and their characters. I know you said they have chapters later on but it kind of seems late already to introduce them even in chapter 8. These are actually really long chapters. I just checked and chapter 8 is like 2600 words long. that's like 10 pages of a published book. That is a loooong chapter. I noticed recently when I'm reading that long chapters bug me. It's partly because I use them as stop points. So when it gets late I tell myself I'll read until the end of the chapter. Four pages later I'm really sleepy and look to find I still have 15 pages to go! Then I get mad that I have to stop mid-chapter.
Anyway. Leaving their POVs out until 100+ pages into the book just makes their appearance seem weird. Out of place. By that time you're used to seeing everything from Calla, Devin or Brendan. Then suddenly Wes! Then he disappears for awhile. Doesn't really work. You need to be more balanced. Which would mean adding scenes or rewriting some from a different POV.
I actually had the POV thing happen in a book. I forget which one but it stuck with me because it irked the hell out of me. The book had gone back and forth between 2 POVs pretty steadily (although mostly randomly) for like the first half of the book. Then all of a sudden there was as scene from some other character's POV then went back to the regular one and that POV was never mentioned again and I was like WTF! I had to go back and reread it to make sure I didn't read it wrong. It left me in a bad mood for a couple of chapters. It was just random and screwed with the rhythm and flow of the book.
scene 3
Which leads into scene 3. In that all the stuff about where Wes and Devin were is unneeded information. We know what they were doing (looking for the chip). Devin could make some sarcastic comment about how they didn't find her chip but here's all this and dump it at her feet. A good toe to toe snarkfest between Devin and Calla would be good while Wes enthusiastically shows Kalen everything they got.
And by this time, based on Kalen's behavior, I'd think they'd all be looking elsewhere for leadership.
Also about the insurgency. You might want to add in the detail that they are insurgents in name only earlier in the book. Because I keep picturing sleeper cells or something. They're just going about their business waiting for SideB's army to activate them as spies or whatever. They don't even realize it. The way this chapter describes them they are all talk and insurgent is a pretty common term for a dissenter (whether they take action or not).
This would work as a good set up for them actually being real insurgents though. Like Calla makes Kalen realize they really aren't important, just two guys hanging out and bitching about the government so he loses some faith. Only to have it revealed they are highly trained and activated later on. That's just what I get from the first few chapters. I doubt that's what happens.
Which leads me to another point I had wanted to make. The POVs. I've been thinking about it because this is now chapter 8 and we haven't seen Wes or Kalen's POV which I think would be important to rounding out the views and their characters. I know you said they have chapters later on but it kind of seems late already to introduce them even in chapter 8. These are actually really long chapters. I just checked and chapter 8 is like 2600 words long. that's like 10 pages of a published book. That is a loooong chapter. I noticed recently when I'm reading that long chapters bug me. It's partly because I use them as stop points. So when it gets late I tell myself I'll read until the end of the chapter. Four pages later I'm really sleepy and look to find I still have 15 pages to go! Then I get mad that I have to stop mid-chapter.
Anyway. Leaving their POVs out until 100+ pages into the book just makes their appearance seem weird. Out of place. By that time you're used to seeing everything from Calla, Devin or Brendan. Then suddenly Wes! Then he disappears for awhile. Doesn't really work. You need to be more balanced. Which would mean adding scenes or rewriting some from a different POV.
I actually had the POV thing happen in a book. I forget which one but it stuck with me because it irked the hell out of me. The book had gone back and forth between 2 POVs pretty steadily (although mostly randomly) for like the first half of the book. Then all of a sudden there was as scene from some other character's POV then went back to the regular one and that POV was never mentioned again and I was like WTF! I had to go back and reread it to make sure I didn't read it wrong. It left me in a bad mood for a couple of chapters. It was just random and screwed with the rhythm and flow of the book.
Just some thoughts on that.