http://jennickels.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] jennickels.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] n3m3sis43 2013-03-25 10:42 pm (UTC)

Re: scene 2

Well you need to make Kalen your bitch then, lol. Maybe he doesn't physically talk but he needs to show his emotions or state of mind some other way. Which means having others observe his weird behavior and comment on it (externally or internally). Or chapters from his POV where he thinks about his behavior.

I didn't really think anyone was supposed to feel sorry for him. He's too whiny and self-involved. It might not be working because we don't really see him much. The characters don't even talk about how whiny he is or how useless.

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