LJ Idol, Season 10, Week 3: Brushback Pitch

[n3m3sis43]

“Let go of my fucking son.” Murdock moves in close.

Can smell the stench of his carnivore breath, feel it hot on my face. Heart’s in my throat, stomach right behind it. I gulp ‘em back, keep my knife hand steady. Keep my eyes on his, searing blue and all but shooting sparks. World goes dim, him and me and nothing else.

“Let go of him, you Umani piece of shit,” he growls, like I didn’t already hear him.

I smirk, my arm still tight around the kid. “Gotta give me what I want first, General.”

Course he can’t, not really. Can’t give me back the man I love, the man I lost. He’s gone for good ‘cause I tried to stall the war Murdock wants so bad, but --

Least I can finish what I fucking started.

Murdock glares, teeth bared. “I don’t have to give you anything.”

“Guess not.” I drop my gaze, focus on the blade. Blood wells up with just a tiny shift in pressure, almost black against the kid’s brown skin. Paints slick trails around the bruises on his neck. Kid’s silent, doesn’t move a fucking muscle. His eyes meet mine, calm as summer seas.

Air’s too thick, heavy in my lungs. Hands wanna shake, takes all my strength to hold ‘em still.

Murdock’s carved from fucking stone, a true Majerian. Folds his beefy arms across his chest and stares me down. “Why stop there?” He shakes his head. “Go ahead, cut deeper. Bleed him dry, for all I care. I don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

I swallow hard, mouth dry as desert dunes. “But he’s… your fucking kid.”

“He’s expendable.”

Kid goes stiff against me, lets out this little squeak. My hold on him relaxes and I stroke his hair with frozen fingers. Pulse pounds in my ears, throat closes up. No choice now, no way out --

Devin, sweetheart. Breathe.

I blink, remember why I’m here. Strain to hear that soft, sweet voice and let it ground me. Force myself to breathe in deep, be strong for him. I push the kid away, mouth one word at him:

Run.

“Everyone’s expendable,” I whisper when he’s gone.

I lift my shirt, reveal the wires bundled nice and neat above my shattered heart. Those ice-chip eyes of Murdock’s widen, fixed on my homemade bomb. His hand creeps toward his blaster and I grip my knife, white-knuckled. Raise it up and press its blade against my throat.

“Guess what happens if I fucking die,” I croak.

Comments

[theun4givables.livejournal.com]

I am so proud of you, right now. <3

I love everything about this piece but ugh my fucking heart when Devin hears Jazz's voice like. Fuck you for that. Fuck you so hard.

Also Devin is still my favorite and this piece is 10000% why. Really. Truly. I just wish he'd let the poor reader know that Kalen's actually in on this plan but I do like that he told him to run and let him go. <3

Also also I know this isn't exactly what you set out to write but I love the tag I DON'T CONTROL MY CHARACTERS because it's so fucking trueeee omg. <3

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I'm proud of myself for (more or less) finishing a damn piece two weeks in a row. Also, I'm proud of you for not killing me in my sleep. <3

Devin is only my favorite when I don't have to write him. And DAMMIT, I knew there was more context I wanted to poke him with and see if he'd let me fit it in somewhere. Although he seemed pretty dead set on pretending he didn't know Kalen, so -- DAMMIT. Was that supposed to be a big, twisty reveal?

*sigh* They never tell me these things. I knew I was missing something.

But yes, dat tag. It is accurate. Someday, I'll write the scene I intend to write. xD

[rswndrlst.livejournal.com]

I find it hard to keep up with ongoing sagas during LJI but this scene really struck a chord with the scifi action lover in me. Fun read and curious about the larger story here!

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

That was a very nice surprise ending! You're doing a really great job with this series, and I loved the idea of threatening to kill the son as one brushback, followed by an even stronger one of the bomb.

[devilz-workshop.livejournal.com]

This was so riveting. I guessed this is a series, but this as a stand alone entry works well too. Well done.

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

Ah! I loved the twist. The built up was good. Good Job!

[nuwriters.livejournal.com]

<3

[magazhchi.livejournal.com]

Oh wow! I really enjoyed the twist in the end. Nice work.

[sinnamongirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your entry!

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Wait, when did things get so dark in this universe? I mean, personally dark and desperate for Devin?

Your own child should not be expendable. When you run into someone who feels that way, you know the only life they value is their own. Devin at least came well-prepared for that.

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

Genius piece.

[murielle.livejournal.com]

I couldn't take my eyes off the page! I was riveted.

Huge kudos!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I'm happy it sparked your interest. :D

This entry is part of a larger story, and while I'm not intentionally writing an LJI serial, bits of this 'verse always decide to show up here. I can never figure out how to cram in the right amount of context to make a stand-alone piece.

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! I'm really excited that it worked for you. :D

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! This is part of a larger 'verse/story that insists on showing up for Idol, and I always struggle to make it into pieces that stand on their own. I'm really glad to hear you liked it. :D

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. :D

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

<3

Thanks for reading. Or apologies or something, idek.

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I love it when I can surprise people a little. :D

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for reading it. :D

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I feel like this universe has always been pretty dark and desperate, especially Devin's corner of it? Then again, it's been a while since I wrote much of it.

Your own child really shouldn't be expendable. I tend to process a lot of my own issues through my characters; have you noticed? ;-) It's honestly never intentional. They just end up with these horrific parents. Wes has very nice parents, mostly. Kind of? His daddy issues are in a different story somewhere.

I was going to say something snarky about how Devin is always prepared, kind of like a girl scout. But really he's just operating based on his own experiences and his personal understanding of parental loyalty, I guess.

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *blushes furiously*

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm really honored that you enjoyed it. :D

[my-name-is-jenn.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. I was hooked from the beginning.

[uselesstinrelic.livejournal.com]

Nice!

[m-malcontent.livejournal.com]

You really are masterful at characterization.

[bewize.livejournal.com]

Really well done scene!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. <3

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I feel like I make these characters and then have no idea what to do with them, so they just run amok in my brain. And show up in Idol posts that don't stand as well on their own as I'd like. xD

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!!