My Brother's Keeper (Cliffton book 1, chapter 3)

[n3m3sis43]

This is chapter 3 of Cliffton book 1. It's based on a story I wrote during LJ Idol (which is here, if you're curious). I was never happy with it, and once I started developing Brendan as a character, it was super apparent the voice was wrong, too. As always, concrit is appreciated.

If you're reading Cliffton for the first time, here are the previous chapters so you can catch up:
1 | 2



"Teacher, I've finished." I step back from the board. "May I go now?"

She looks up at the board. I will not make farting noises in class, one hundred times exactly.

"Yes, Master Murdock," Teacher sighs.

I don't wait for her to say more. Instead, I run out to the yard. Kalen. Where is he? He should be easy to find. Blonde hair stands out. The other kids know it, too. What if they hurt him while I was gone? I don't see him anywhere. My stomach starts to ache.

Then he's here, tugging my sleeve. No wonder I didn't see him. He's covered in mud.

"Kalen, what happened?"

He's crying so hard he can't talk. Hugging my arm. Sniffling. Shaking.

Kalen's so smart he's in second year with me instead of first like other kids his age. Mother says it's so they don't have to split us up. We've always been closer than twins, but I know the real reason. Kalen's good at everything. Better than me.

Better than me at everything except making friends.

The crowd of boys nearby is pointing. Laughing. I start to get mad. Real mad, the scary way. I can't see right. It's like nothing's really real. Like I'm watching the playground on neurovision.

"Which one of you hurt Kalen?" I yell at the boys. I don't remember walking over to them.

No one answers. They're not laughing now. Good. Let them be scared. Hurt, like they made my brother feel.

"You better tell me now, else I'll beat you all." I can do it, and they know it.

They all point at once. Braddock Kingston. I punch him in the nose, hard. Crack. I feel and hear it as his nose breaks. The other boys just stare as I walk away.

Kalen's still crying like the tiny child he is when I come back. I punch him, too.

"That's for not sticking up for yourself."

Blood runs from his nose, but he doesn't wipe it away. He's still just looking at me when I hear Teacher's voice behind me. "That's enough, Master Murdock. You're suspended for a week."

I'm still so mad I barely feel it as she pulls me inside by my ear.

* * * * *
"Father'll whip us, won't he?" Kalen holds a cloth to his bloody nose.

Mother just shook her head when she came to fetch us. Father won't be so kind.

"He'll whip me for sure. Only thing you did wrong was not fighting back. Father won't whip you for that. If he tries I'll tell him I already did."

"I'm never going back there, Brendan."

"Everyone has to go to school. And it'll get better. I'll help you."

"How?" Kalen sniffles. "Nobody likes me. I'm too different. Too small. Too smart."

"You just need to show them they can't push you around," I say.

"But they can," Kalen whines. "They're all bigger than me. It's never a fair fight."

"That's why you've got to find a different way to beat them." I'm not smart like Kalen, but I've got an idea.

"Like what?" Kalen looks hopeful, at least.

I think for a minute. "What if Braddock got some Itching Nanites in his lunch? Or if someone reprogrammed his Science Robot to sass Teacher?"

"I'd get in trouble!" He's smiling, though.

"Only if he told on you to Teacher." I smile too. "He probably wouldn't. Same reason you didn't. We're supposed to be fighters. A fighter can take care of himself, wouldn't cry to Teacher. Once they see you're one, they'll leave you alone."

Kalen's quiet, thinking.

"It can't hurt to try, can it?" I ask him.

"Guess not." He throws his arms around me. "Thanks, Brendan. You're the best brother in the whole world."

* * * * *
The anger bubbles up inside me as I stare at Kalen's back. My fists clench up all on their own, and I have to will them to stop. Have to force myself to take deep breaths and relax, because I know what'll happen if I don't. If I get too mad, I'll mess up - always do when I get too mad.

Now that I know where my brother's been going when he sneaks out at night, I wish I didn't.

All I wanted was for things to be the way they were before. We've always told each other everything. Shared everything. I looked out for Kalen, taught him how to fit in and made sure he was never left out. Now Kalen's the one everyone likes, and he doesn't have time for me. No time to help me with my studies like he used to do. No time for Robot Scrabble, Tank Yahtzee or the dreams we used to whisper when we huddled under our blankets at night.

I've known all along he was hiding something. All the girls look at him, fascinated by his pale hair and eyes, his tall, lithe body and easy charm. Kalen never gives them a second glance, doesn't even notice. Never really notices me anymore, either. He's constantly tinkering with those robots of his, but does he ever make them shoot anything? Not even once. It's not natural.

Now I know, though. That's not all he's been hiding. Not even close.

When Kalen started sneaking out, I knew he must be meeting someone. Knew he didn't care for girls and I figured maybe he liked boys instead. His perfect friends at school wouldn't like that too much, would they? What I never understood was why he wouldn't tell me. Why he wouldn't trust me. And that hurt more than anything - still does. Only now I understand.

I was right about one thing. Kalen's meeting a boy, if you can call the person standing in front of him that.

Even if I weren't looking at him from across the fence, I'd know he was from the Other Side. People here don't look like that. Kalen's taller than Father already, taller than everyone in tenth year, and this guy towers over even him. He's freakishly long and lean, the planes of his face angular in the weak glow of the lamps that light the border.

Can't hear their words no matter how I strain my ears. Guess the words don't matter. Kalen's being a traitor does.

* * * * *
"These marks will have you waitlisted a year or more." Father's lips are pursed, his eyes colder than a winter sky. "You have to do better, or you'll be lucky to be enlisted at all."

I bite my lip and keep silent. It's not like I don't know this already. Not like I don't try to do better.

"Why can't you be more like your brother?" Father shakes his head. "Kalen always gives it his all."

Rage washes over me, and I know I'm supposed to try to fight it. Only I kind of don't want to, because the anger's all I have. It's with me all the time now, lurking just below the surface. But I don't want to be a monster, don't want to lose control. So I grit my teeth as the edges of my vision go fuzzy. Father keeps talking, but I'm no longer hearing his words.

Kalen always gives it his all.

Of course he does. It's all I can do not to laugh in Father's face. I nod at the appropriate places and promise to do better, as if I can without Kalen's help. Meanwhile, I focus on keeping my breathing even, making the world stay real. Losing my temper won't help. Father's not the one I'm really mad at anyway. I keep telling myself that over and over until he's finally done talking and I'm dismissed.

Kalen always gives it his all.

I can't get Father's words out of my mind. Can't shake their annoying cadence as I retreat to my room and close the door.

* * * * *
"Ashlynn Farrell likes you." I curse myself for my stupidly obvious statement. Every girl likes Kalen.

"So?" Kalen doesn't even look up from the robot he's working on.

"Half the kids in tenth year want to date you," Rage rises like bile in my throat. Guess we're not talking about a girl anymore at all. "The rest want to be you. And all you care about are your stupid robots and those weird insurgents you keep sneaking out to meet. What a fucking waste."

"How did you - " For once, I've got Kalen's undivided attention. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

My stomach clenches up with anger. Of course that would be his first thought. Never mind what I think of what he's doing. Or how it could ruin what little chance I still have at a fighting career.

"Don't worry, little brother," I snarl. "I won't tell anyone you're not who they think you are."

Apparently, that really is all Kalen cares about, because he relaxes immediately. Too bad my stomach doesn't.

"Why the fuck would you do that, though, bro? You have everything a kid could want - perfect grades, popularity, a guaranteed spot on a fighting squad. Why would you risk it all?" My whole body feels hot, and I know I'm going to lose control if I don't get out of here soon. I turn and head for the door.

"It's not about what I want," Kalen calls after me. "Haven't you ever wondered what we're fighting for?"

I'd ignore him, maybe, but something about his tone stops me. "No, and if you had any sense, you wouldn't either."

"It's just... the Other Side - they're people too." Kalen actually sounds sincere. "They're people just like us."

"Whatever, bro," I snort, because it's either that or smack him. Kalen's got everybody else fooled, but I know he doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself. Only there's passion in his voice, and that's what makes me maddest of all. It's bad enough being second to school pals I know he only tolerates. But somehow he cares about those... those people on the Other Side more than me, too.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kalen's got that defensive, entitled tone, and that means danger for me.

"Who the hell are you to talk about people, Kalen?"

Just like that, it's like I'm seeing him through some kind of weird rounded lens. It would be so easy to let the rage swallow me up. So easy to drown in it. Then I wouldn't have to think about this anymore. Wouldn't have to wonder why my brother trusts one of them over me. I could just be the monster and let the monster be me. Monsters don't have brothers, and they don't have to care.

I don't want to be a monster, though, so I fight with all I have to keep control. It's harder every day. Kalen may be clueless, but even he can see I'm struggling. I can tell by the fear in his eyes. Oddly enough, I think that's what brings me back.

"It's all just a fucking game to you," I finally choke out.

"What else is it supposed to be?" Kalen's watching me like I might explode at any moment. I really might. "Why do girls and dances matter when there's a War out there? A War I'm forced to fight, whether I believe in it or not."

"People matter, Kalen." I throw up my hands, but I'm starting to feel calmer. "For a genius, you can be so fucking stupid. I see the way you are - keeping everyone at arms' length, even me. Stop acting like you're better than me just because I want friends. You can't just go through life alone and have it be okay. No one can."

"Brendan, those people at school aren't my friends. They'd turn on me in a second, given the chance."

"I used to be your friend. Now you don't need me anymore." My knees feel weak. Guess the monster's gone for now.

"You're still my friend." Kalen's voice is dull, unconvincing. "You're my brother. Nothing can ever change that."

* * * * *
I sit in my hard metal chair, palms sweating and back straight as a board. Proud young men in uniform grin at me from posters on the shiny metal walls. The lights are hot against my neck as the recruiter smiles and asks for my name. When I give it, the smile freezes on his face.

"Murdock." He looks suddenly ill. "Like the boy at the fence last week?"

My heart stops for a moment, and all I can do is nod.

"No relation, though, I'm sure." His smile is back, but it doesn't reach his icy blue eyes.

"I - uh." I'm pretty sure the look on my face is all the answer he needs, but I have to say something. "Is there any chance I can take his place? I'm still on the waiting list."

"Family members of terrorists are ineligible to serve." The recruiter's eyes are hard, like Kalen's on the day he died. "Both your draft numbers will be reassigned to new candidates."

"B- but, I've always been a loyal citizen," I stammer. "It's not my fault!"

Only I know that's a lie. I remember the night he came home, flushed as if with fever, eyes burning bright.

Listen to me, Brendan, he pleaded. It's just not worth it - all this death. I have to stop it, and I know how.

Shut up, Kalen, I said. That's crazy talk. The War brings us life. It's treason to speak against it.

All those times I wished he'd talk to me, and when he did I wouldn't listen. Didn't take him seriously. If only I had, I could have saved him, maybe. Could have saved myself.

A group of Security Robots appear out of nowhere, surrounding me. I scream and thrash as their cold pincers bite into my flesh. Before I know it, I'm lying in a heap on the pavement outside the building, watching their metal backs as they leave me there like trash.

They're the last thing I see before the rage rises up in me again, threatening to overtake me. This time, I let it.


(Next chapter is here)

Comments

[tatdatcm.livejournal.com]

The transition from protector to the one left out in the cold is awesome here.

I really, really like Brendan and you've done a really great job summing up his main issues in this chapter. Not only do you sketch a great picture of Brendan, but you add to Kalen's character at the same time, because even though it's through Brendan's eyes, it's an honest portrayal of Kalen too.

His conversation with Kalen about the girl who likes him kind of reinforces what I was saying in my comment on Chapter 1.

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Yay! I really, really like Brendan and it sucks because he gets a totally shit deal in this book. I'm really glad this chapter worked for you. :D

I have the hardest time with Kalen's voice in this book. He doesn't really want to talk, which I guess makes sense. Despite my tendency to babble at you in comments, I can relate to that. It's a lot easier to get an accurate picture of him through the other characters' eyes sometimes.

I definitely see what you're saying about his cluelessness regarding girls. Calla's sooooort of an exception in that he has a crush on her, but that would probably make him even more clueless, if anything.