I'm laughing at Devin's city in SimCity being polluted and full of crime. Poor Devin. He's just not very likable, is he? Wes's city would be totally filled with casinos and dance clubs and theme parks and stuff.
I think Kalen's town would be filled with very fancy buildings that were not what you'd expect on the inside, somehow. Hmmm.
And man. I hope you're still invested in this even after reading abysmal chapter 4 (and now I am also self-conscious about chapter 5 because I realized a major -- though easily fixable -- flaw which I then foolishly pointed out to you ahead of time in another comment). Also the "action" slows significantly as everyone tries to figure out wtf to do now. But anyway, as much as it's hard to hear "oh, shit what the hell were you THINKING with this offensively bad chapter?" (ok, I know you didn't say that) I am really enjoying the ride and any writer should be honored to have you doing this to/with/for their work. I know I am.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: in conclusion part 2
Date: 2013-03-13 01:18 pm (UTC)I think Kalen's town would be filled with very fancy buildings that were not what you'd expect on the inside, somehow. Hmmm.
And man. I hope you're still invested in this even after reading abysmal chapter 4 (and now I am also self-conscious about chapter 5 because I realized a major -- though easily fixable -- flaw which I then foolishly pointed out to you ahead of time in another comment). Also the "action" slows significantly as everyone tries to figure out wtf to do now. But anyway, as much as it's hard to hear "oh, shit what the hell were you THINKING with this offensively bad chapter?" (ok, I know you didn't say that) I am really enjoying the ride and any writer should be honored to have you doing this to/with/for their work. I know I am.