Maybe the problem I was having was because most of my notes were just repeats of things I'd said in earlier chapters. And when I do my "eyes of the reader" thing it's hard to critique through that voice since all my problems with the chapter would be how it relates to the previous chapters which are going to change.
Hopefully now that I'm into the "not gonna change" parts my brain will start working again.
Definitely need more inner Calla going on. She's a fascinating character being a robot and all and I'm interested in how she's processing things, adjusting. I also like to see how she relates to the people around her. The fact that she can't really show emotions would be difficult for everyone. Because Calla can't really get a point across with a look (other than the glowing eyes--which was exactly how I pictured her intimidating people since that was Brendan's reaction to it) and no one else can read her to get an idea of how she's feeling. It would be nice if someone makes a connection to her and tries to help her deal with it all instead of just ignoring her and acting like her being a robot is just an every day thing. Which, now that I think about it, is a really weird reaction.
You need to write the scene where Devin tries to pick apart her insides to figure out what happened to her. They you can have more highly entertaining Calla/Devin bickering.
That's what got me with the two of them. They were going back and forth with the princess thing and I was like... that's kind of hot. Of course, there's the problem with her being a robot.
Hmmm, I'm going to have to write fanfic eventually and use up some of these random plot points I come up with. Like some scientist learns about Calla and wants to experiment on her to find out how her consciousness transferred and he figures out how to put her into a real body and then Devin has to rescue her. Okay, that's horrible but worthy of fanfic (I've heard of worse premises).
I like the thing about Devin being clueless about Wes family. It's a nice touch because Wes seems so clueless about everything else. It's like Wes moment where he knows something Devin doesn't. I doubt Devin felt good about not knowing but then has the whole thing about how he's never said anything about his family so he can't really talk.
I love that you're adding Brendan's nemesis to the mix. Sounds interesting.
And my responses were just as random and all over the place as your comments, lol.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: some thoughts
Date: 2013-03-20 01:09 am (UTC)Hopefully now that I'm into the "not gonna change" parts my brain will start working again.
Definitely need more inner Calla going on. She's a fascinating character being a robot and all and I'm interested in how she's processing things, adjusting. I also like to see how she relates to the people around her. The fact that she can't really show emotions would be difficult for everyone. Because Calla can't really get a point across with a look (other than the glowing eyes--which was exactly how I pictured her intimidating people since that was Brendan's reaction to it) and no one else can read her to get an idea of how she's feeling. It would be nice if someone makes a connection to her and tries to help her deal with it all instead of just ignoring her and acting like her being a robot is just an every day thing. Which, now that I think about it, is a really weird reaction.
You need to write the scene where Devin tries to pick apart her insides to figure out what happened to her. They you can have more highly entertaining Calla/Devin bickering.
That's what got me with the two of them. They were going back and forth with the princess thing and I was like... that's kind of hot. Of course, there's the problem with her being a robot.
Hmmm, I'm going to have to write fanfic eventually and use up some of these random plot points I come up with. Like some scientist learns about Calla and wants to experiment on her to find out how her consciousness transferred and he figures out how to put her into a real body and then Devin has to rescue her. Okay, that's horrible but worthy of fanfic (I've heard of worse premises).
I like the thing about Devin being clueless about Wes family. It's a nice touch because Wes seems so clueless about everything else. It's like Wes moment where he knows something Devin doesn't. I doubt Devin felt good about not knowing but then has the whole thing about how he's never said anything about his family so he can't really talk.
I love that you're adding Brendan's nemesis to the mix. Sounds interesting.
And my responses were just as random and all over the place as your comments, lol.