You could skip the library thing. Bring it up later in another chapter like someone asks Kalen where he learned all this stuff because they doubt his sanity and reasons. And then there could be full out flashback of what happened. Or something.
Rewriting so there isn't that first chapter where they talk about the library (which was a huge cliffhanger thing that demanded attention) means the library trip is insignificant. You don't need to show it at all.
Doing a flashback later of how Kalen and Calla met would help explain how Calla got messed up in the whole thing. which could work since after she becomes a robot she has mostly disdain for Kalen so people will be wondering why she helped him at all. Then flashback to when they met and how different he was. That helps because the reader never really gets invested in sweet, cocky Kalen but shows exactly how much he's changed since the bombing.
I still think separating the chapters by scenes then mixing them up might help the flow and timeline more. Some of the scenes are pretty long or can be combined with other scenes from their original chapters. They could make short chapters in the beginning where things are happening quickly to a lot of people. As times goes on they could get longer.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Re: scene 3
Date: 2013-03-26 03:31 am (UTC)Rewriting so there isn't that first chapter where they talk about the library (which was a huge cliffhanger thing that demanded attention) means the library trip is insignificant. You don't need to show it at all.
Doing a flashback later of how Kalen and Calla met would help explain how Calla got messed up in the whole thing. which could work since after she becomes a robot she has mostly disdain for Kalen so people will be wondering why she helped him at all. Then flashback to when they met and how different he was. That helps because the reader never really gets invested in sweet, cocky Kalen but shows exactly how much he's changed since the bombing.
I still think separating the chapters by scenes then mixing them up might help the flow and timeline more. Some of the scenes are pretty long or can be combined with other scenes from their original chapters. They could make short chapters in the beginning where things are happening quickly to a lot of people. As times goes on they could get longer.