I like that rearrangement at the end with Calla just running into the brothers fighting and getting hit by a stray laser. It could totally be interesting to see her one minute struggling to stay conscious, get hit and suddenly confused because she's up and moving around and right in the middle of the battle.
Should the scene of them realizing Calla is dead and is now a robot be in there?
If it happens at the end of Calla's chapter it could work to show her lack of emotions like she doesn't really get why Kalen is so upset over her body. She's angry she's a robot but isn't feeling any of the other emotions she should be. Seeing her body doesn't really affect her.
Or it could be a short scene at the beginning of Brendan's POV where he's kind of freaked out and afraid of Calla. Maybe because of the shooting off stray laser blasts when she gets angry (like what you already wrote).
It might slow things down, though. Although I think the scene is important. It doesn't have to be long. Just all of them realizing what happened then Kalen suggesting they go to his friends who can help them. Just a thought.
At the beginning, I think it still works to do the Devin and Kalen bomb scene before the grocery stuff. They could meet in the morning (maybe even too early for Devin so you can show his coffee addiction right off). You'd also be able to introduce Wes who would be way too cheery that early in the morning and offer to make breakfast and Devin would be like, "no, we have work to do." Then he'd be all grumpy so Wes would drag him out to shop. Then switch to Wes' view.
I like the idea of having the bomb scene first but ending it with Kalen doing his speech and holding off the soldiers with the trigger. Just thought of something--they might not believe him if he doesn't physically have the bomb so maybe he could have a fake one strapped to him so drive the point home.
Then later show the aftermath from Calla's POV with her maybe thinking about how the real bomb was miles away but shouldn't have been that strong because that's what Kalen said and she trusted him.
Anyway, I like how you split the bomb sequence up.
I don't think you need any time labels other than the first one that says, "One Week Ago." If you do it right you'll be able to hint how much time has passed from each day. And it will be pretty obvious what comes after the bomb. You could always put the labels in for the rough draft for clarity then work on making sure each time jump is properly set up so you know how long it's been.
Also for the opening sequence of going to the library. You should consider putting a Kalen chapter in between two Calla ones for balance. Just consider it. I would probably work better from Calla's POV but it seems more balanced to get something in there from his POV.
That book I'm reading totally irked me when in the middle of a chapter at around the 470th page decided to jump from Kira's POV to Samm's POV. In the middle of the chapter. I could accept POV changes with scenes except this is the ONLY chapter to do that. And this is the first time we see Samm's POV since the opening chapter (I think). Totally random and kind of amateurish. Also the POV of Sato suddenly appeared once Marcus left the original setting where they all live (Long Island). So now there are 3 main POVs plus this random 1/2 chapter from Samm's POV.
It works for the story but I just keep shaking my head thinking there should have been a better way to do this. But that's just me and my thing about POV changes.
So feel free to ignore me about them because obviously it's not that big a deal and people do it all the time.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Timeline starting from the bomb again...
Date: 2013-03-26 06:44 pm (UTC)Should the scene of them realizing Calla is dead and is now a robot be in there?
If it happens at the end of Calla's chapter it could work to show her lack of emotions like she doesn't really get why Kalen is so upset over her body. She's angry she's a robot but isn't feeling any of the other emotions she should be. Seeing her body doesn't really affect her.
Or it could be a short scene at the beginning of Brendan's POV where he's kind of freaked out and afraid of Calla. Maybe because of the shooting off stray laser blasts when she gets angry (like what you already wrote).
It might slow things down, though. Although I think the scene is important. It doesn't have to be long. Just all of them realizing what happened then Kalen suggesting they go to his friends who can help them. Just a thought.
At the beginning, I think it still works to do the Devin and Kalen bomb scene before the grocery stuff. They could meet in the morning (maybe even too early for Devin so you can show his coffee addiction right off). You'd also be able to introduce Wes who would be way too cheery that early in the morning and offer to make breakfast and Devin would be like, "no, we have work to do." Then he'd be all grumpy so Wes would drag him out to shop. Then switch to Wes' view.
I like the idea of having the bomb scene first but ending it with Kalen doing his speech and holding off the soldiers with the trigger. Just thought of something--they might not believe him if he doesn't physically have the bomb so maybe he could have a fake one strapped to him so drive the point home.
Then later show the aftermath from Calla's POV with her maybe thinking about how the real bomb was miles away but shouldn't have been that strong because that's what Kalen said and she trusted him.
Anyway, I like how you split the bomb sequence up.
I don't think you need any time labels other than the first one that says, "One Week Ago." If you do it right you'll be able to hint how much time has passed from each day. And it will be pretty obvious what comes after the bomb. You could always put the labels in for the rough draft for clarity then work on making sure each time jump is properly set up so you know how long it's been.
Also for the opening sequence of going to the library. You should consider putting a Kalen chapter in between two Calla ones for balance. Just consider it. I would probably work better from Calla's POV but it seems more balanced to get something in there from his POV.
That book I'm reading totally irked me when in the middle of a chapter at around the 470th page decided to jump from Kira's POV to Samm's POV. In the middle of the chapter. I could accept POV changes with scenes except this is the ONLY chapter to do that. And this is the first time we see Samm's POV since the opening chapter (I think). Totally random and kind of amateurish. Also the POV of Sato suddenly appeared once Marcus left the original setting where they all live (Long Island). So now there are 3 main POVs plus this random 1/2 chapter from Samm's POV.
It works for the story but I just keep shaking my head thinking there should have been a better way to do this. But that's just me and my thing about POV changes.
So feel free to ignore me about them because obviously it's not that big a deal and people do it all the time.