So I am outlining the notes and changes for this chapter, and I was thinking. I kind of don't mind if Kalen comes off as a whiny bitch here. His remorse is genuine, but it's mixed with resentment because Calla and the others expect him to be the leader and he doesn't want to. The thing is, he feels like he has to meet that expectation, because he's used to doing what everyone else expects of him and not what he wants.
I'm thinking of adding a POV chapter for him after the reworked version of this one, where I can show more of that. In addition to showing his thoughts, I kind of wanted him to halfheartedly make an effort. Like, try to do something useful, fail, and never tell any of the others about it. He's not ready to step up and make an effort in front of everyone because he's too afraid of failing again.
So I'm kind of okay with him coming off as a whiny bitch here if that's Calla's perception of him. She gets progressively squishier as the book goes on but she's not really there yet so I think it probably still is.
The main problem is that I haven't figured out yet what thing Kalen would do to try to be useful (and fail at) without telling anyone. Any ideas?
Re: scene 2
Date: 2013-03-29 04:46 pm (UTC)I'm thinking of adding a POV chapter for him after the reworked version of this one, where I can show more of that. In addition to showing his thoughts, I kind of wanted him to halfheartedly make an effort. Like, try to do something useful, fail, and never tell any of the others about it. He's not ready to step up and make an effort in front of everyone because he's too afraid of failing again.
So I'm kind of okay with him coming off as a whiny bitch here if that's Calla's perception of him. She gets progressively squishier as the book goes on but she's not really there yet so I think it probably still is.
The main problem is that I haven't figured out yet what thing Kalen would do to try to be useful (and fail at) without telling anyone. Any ideas?