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n3m3sis43A Study in ADHD and PTSD
(Subtitle: Who Stole My Focus?)
7:09 am
Today’s the day! I can finally write that fiction piece I’ve been thinking about all week. Too bad I haven’t had the time to do more than type up a few notes, but I’ve got the whole day to work on it now.
*opens Google doc with notes and starts reading through it*
7:12 am
Is that a siren? Shit, we are definitely about to have a real second outbreak. Good thing I took off work early yesterday to give my bubblemate a ride into Manhattan for one last appointment at the migraine clinic before things get really bad. Driving in Manhattan wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I’d totally do it again, so I could see --
You know what would be good? Some coffee. But I forgot to clean the French press when I used it the other day and the dishwasher’s full of clean dishes now. Hm, I could order bagels and get a coffee with them.
Yeah! Max would love to be surprised with bagels when he gets up.
7:19 am
*opens Seamless and waffles over which bagel place to order from*
7:46 am
*finally places bagel order, completely forgetting to add in a coffee*
7:50 am
*browses Facebook memories because brain is now in waiting mode until bagels arrive*
7:51 am
Oh hey, on this date in 2009, I helped the Medical Reserve Corps give H1N1 vaccinations. It’s weird how I barely even remember H1N1 because our country’s pandemic response team still existed back then and did what it was supposed to. And it’s even weirder how proud I was of my dad for being head of a local MRC chapter and being interviewed by CNN.
[Note: My parents are narcissistic abusers and I haven’t had contact with them since 2013.]
7:53 am
Dammit, I forgot to order the coffee, didn’t I?
7:54 am
*rinses out French press and empties dishwasher so French press can be washed and coffee can be made*
8:00 am
*loads dishwasher and adds detergent pod before getting distracted by bagels arriving*
8:05 am
*eats half of breakfast sandwich*
*spends next 55 minutes Googling dad's local MRC chapter to find out how it responded to the pandemic, then ranting at BFF because it basically didn't respond to the pandemic*
9:00 am
Hm, I'm obviously pretty passionate about this. Maybe I should write an Idol piece about it.
*spends another 48 minutes Googling and ranting*
9:48 am
*notices other half of breakfast sandwich exists and eats it as well*
Hm, I don't think I want to write about COVID two weeks in a row, though.
9:49 am
Wait a minute. My parents knew I was in NYC, at the epicenter of the pandemic.
And they never even asked if I was okay?
*digests this for several minutes because it's apparently never come to mind before*
[Mental soundtrack: this clip]
9:55 am
Oshit, I forgot to start the dishwasher.
9:56 am
*finally starts dishwasher*
9:57 am
Oshit, remember last night when I was telling Nadine how my in-laws voted for Trump and Max overheard by accident?
And asked if that meant Grandma was a bad person?
...And all I said was "Um, it's complicated?"
I should probably go do something about that.
*spends 23 minutes explaining to 9 year old that choices are complicated and his grandparents aren't Nazis and it's okay to love them unconditionally, the same way they love him unconditionally*
*hugs 9 year old while he cries about grandparents not being Nazis*
*considers purchasing duct tape for own mouth*
10:20 am
*more ranting to BFF, first about own failings as a parent and then about parents' failings as parents*
10:48 am
You know what? I really want to buy a snake plant for the apartment. I wonder if I should buy it on The Sill or on Greenery Unlimited. Are there other good plant delivery services here?
*googles best plant delivery services in NYC*
*eventually orders snake plant from Greenery Unlimited*
11:12 am
Am I even going to write something?
11:17 am
Holy fuck, there are a lot of sirens today.
11:18 am
*spaces out [or possibly dissociates] for 14 minutes*
11:33 am
*makes food for 9 year old and shows him pictures of the snake plant*
11:37 am
Wait a minute, can I write about my failure to write due to my brain being... *flaily hand gesture*
11:38 am
*makes food for self*
11:50 am
*sits down to write Idol entry about ADHD/PTSD brain*
11:55 am
Shit, did I leave the oven on?
*goes to check*
11:57 am
*finally writes Idol entry*
2:01 pm
Shit, I still never made that coffee.
(Subtitle: Who Stole My Focus?)
7:09 am
Today’s the day! I can finally write that fiction piece I’ve been thinking about all week. Too bad I haven’t had the time to do more than type up a few notes, but I’ve got the whole day to work on it now.
*opens Google doc with notes and starts reading through it*
7:12 am
Is that a siren? Shit, we are definitely about to have a real second outbreak. Good thing I took off work early yesterday to give my bubblemate a ride into Manhattan for one last appointment at the migraine clinic before things get really bad. Driving in Manhattan wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I’d totally do it again, so I could see --
You know what would be good? Some coffee. But I forgot to clean the French press when I used it the other day and the dishwasher’s full of clean dishes now. Hm, I could order bagels and get a coffee with them.
Yeah! Max would love to be surprised with bagels when he gets up.
7:19 am
*opens Seamless and waffles over which bagel place to order from*
7:46 am
*finally places bagel order, completely forgetting to add in a coffee*
7:50 am
*browses Facebook memories because brain is now in waiting mode until bagels arrive*
7:51 am
Oh hey, on this date in 2009, I helped the Medical Reserve Corps give H1N1 vaccinations. It’s weird how I barely even remember H1N1 because our country’s pandemic response team still existed back then and did what it was supposed to. And it’s even weirder how proud I was of my dad for being head of a local MRC chapter and being interviewed by CNN.
[Note: My parents are narcissistic abusers and I haven’t had contact with them since 2013.]
7:53 am
Dammit, I forgot to order the coffee, didn’t I?
7:54 am
*rinses out French press and empties dishwasher so French press can be washed and coffee can be made*
8:00 am
*loads dishwasher and adds detergent pod before getting distracted by bagels arriving*
8:05 am
*eats half of breakfast sandwich*
*spends next 55 minutes Googling dad's local MRC chapter to find out how it responded to the pandemic, then ranting at BFF because it basically didn't respond to the pandemic*
9:00 am
Hm, I'm obviously pretty passionate about this. Maybe I should write an Idol piece about it.
*spends another 48 minutes Googling and ranting*
9:48 am
*notices other half of breakfast sandwich exists and eats it as well*
Hm, I don't think I want to write about COVID two weeks in a row, though.
9:49 am
Wait a minute. My parents knew I was in NYC, at the epicenter of the pandemic.
And they never even asked if I was okay?
*digests this for several minutes because it's apparently never come to mind before*
[Mental soundtrack: this clip]
9:55 am
Oshit, I forgot to start the dishwasher.
9:56 am
*finally starts dishwasher*
9:57 am
Oshit, remember last night when I was telling Nadine how my in-laws voted for Trump and Max overheard by accident?
And asked if that meant Grandma was a bad person?
...And all I said was "Um, it's complicated?"
I should probably go do something about that.
*spends 23 minutes explaining to 9 year old that choices are complicated and his grandparents aren't Nazis and it's okay to love them unconditionally, the same way they love him unconditionally*
*hugs 9 year old while he cries about grandparents not being Nazis*
*considers purchasing duct tape for own mouth*
10:20 am
*more ranting to BFF, first about own failings as a parent and then about parents' failings as parents*
10:48 am
You know what? I really want to buy a snake plant for the apartment. I wonder if I should buy it on The Sill or on Greenery Unlimited. Are there other good plant delivery services here?
*googles best plant delivery services in NYC*
*eventually orders snake plant from Greenery Unlimited*
11:12 am
Am I even going to write something?
11:17 am
Holy fuck, there are a lot of sirens today.
11:18 am
*spaces out [or possibly dissociates] for 14 minutes*
11:33 am
*makes food for 9 year old and shows him pictures of the snake plant*
11:37 am
Wait a minute, can I write about my failure to write due to my brain being... *flaily hand gesture*
11:38 am
*makes food for self*
11:50 am
*sits down to write Idol entry about ADHD/PTSD brain*
11:55 am
Shit, did I leave the oven on?
*goes to check*
11:57 am
*finally writes Idol entry*
2:01 pm
Shit, I still never made that coffee.
