Whatever Makes You Happy (Cliffton book 1, chapter 2)

[n3m3sis43]

This is chapter 2 of Cliffton book 1. Concrit is much appreciated. The original version of this story was a <800-word attempt to cheer myself up after I wrote "Pretty Buttons". It did not, in fact, cheer me up at the time, in case you were wondering. If you're curious, the original version's over here.

If you're reading Cliffton for the first time, here's chapter 1 so you can catch up.


Wes starts babbling about the fucking Reaping Festival before I've even had my SynthBrew. Not that I'm listening. I just grunt at the appropriate places and again when he hands me a steaming mug. Doesn't stop him from fucking talking, though. Nothing ever does. It's not until after I'm showered and semi-awake that his words start to register.

"And there's a carnival with rocket racing and rides! We can get FunCakes, too. I love FunCakes!" Wes is chattering away like a warrior bat on StimTabs. Four years living on this side of the fence, and he's never once mentioned the Festival. This year, though, he's on a fucking mission.

"Carnivals are fucking crowded," I grumble. "Don't fucking like crowds." Don't know why I'm bothering to argue - just gonna end up giving in. Once Wes gets an idea in his head, it's all but impossible to change his mind. Don't even really want to - never could resist that brilliant fucking grin of his.

"They have blue MegaSlushes, Devin!" Now his grin's so huge I can't help but smile back.

Well, that settles it. Blue MegaSlushes are my fucking favorite.

"Fine. We'll go." Wish I didn't sound so grumpy. Don't like fucking mornings. "It'll be fucking epic."

"Yay!" Wes squeals with delight and flings himself at me, almost knocking my SynthBrew out of my hands. He hugs me so hard I feel my fucking internal organs shifting. "You're gonna love it! We'll have so much fun! We can ride all the rides and get our pictures taken and you can win me prizes on the midway and we'll fly the bumper planes and - " He's talking a mile a minute. Don't know how he hasn't passed out from lack of air. Think I might soon.

"Wes," I gasp. "Can't fucking breathe." Still smiling, though - don't need air for that.

Wes dashes into the kitchen to make breakfast. Can't help grinning again when he returns, a plate loaded down with enough food for three of me in his hands. "I made your favorite - speckleberry pancakes!" He hands me the plate, keeps prattling as I dig in. "I'm so excited, dude. Tomorrow's gonna be so much fun!"

Festival's tomorrow? Well, fuck. I set my fork down with a clatter. Not fucking hungry now. "Uh, Wes? Kalen's coming over tomorrow. Wanted me to help him with some circuitry. Said it might take a while. Guess he's working on some kind of new robot."

"Oh, yeah." Wes bites his lip, looks so deflated I can't fucking stand it. "I forgot that was tomorrow."

"Maybe we'll finish up early?" I offer. "We could go after."

"Maybe." He looks away - fucking knows how wrapped up Kalen and I get when we're working on a project. "Well, I guess I should clean up the dishes now. Gotta get ready to go grocery shopping soon."

"Want me to come with you?" Kinda can't believe I just asked that. Wes always does the shopping alone. Fucking hate shopping worse than I hate crowds, but it doesn't matter right now. All I want's to take that sad look off his face.

Fucking works, too. Wes throws himself at me, wraps his arms around me tight. My plate falls on the floor, spilling the remains of my breakfast everywhere. That speckleberry goo's gonna be a fucking nightmare to clean off our couch, but I don't fucking care. Just relieved to see Wes happy again.

* * * * *
"Weeeeeeeeee!" Wes screeches, clinging to the back of the RoboCart on our way home from the grocery store. He could walk faster than the cart can go - designed it that way on purpose so he wouldn't get hurt. Doesn't matter how slow the cart's moving, though - he's just enjoying the ride. Wonder what it's like to be that fucking joyful all the time. Makes me grin - that and the way his eyes shine when he looks at me.

Kinda weird how different grocery stores here are from the ones back home. Always hated it when my ma sent me shopping - the long lines, the suspicious fucking way the storekeeper eyed me as he ran my background check. Nothing like that here at all - no scans, no rations, no checks. Just wide, clean shelves stocked with everything imaginable. Even have cereal that tastes like chocolate. People on this side aren't always the brightest, but their food's fucking ingenious.

All those choices are kinda exhausting. Good thing we're almost home - fucking crowds wear me out. I yawn, all but trip over my own fucking feet going up the driveway to our house. Almost fall over again as Wes tackles me. Hugs me so hard I think I hear my ribs crack. Guy's even skinnier than I am - how's he fucking do that?

"Thanks again for going to the store with me, dude! It was so much fun having you there!" Wes still has a death-grip on me as he yammers into my ear. "Wanna play some SimFighting after lunch? We can play co-op - together, we're invincible! It'll be so much fun, and I promise not to shoot my rocket launcher inside a tunnel again like last time, and - " Hard to hear the rest of his words over my face-cracking yawn.

Want to help Wes out, so I start putting away the groceries. Too bad I don't know where anything goes - don't spend a lot of fucking time in the kitchen. Throw open all the cabinets, survey the empty spaces. Everything's out of fucking order - don't know Wes stands it. Take everything out, sort it by shape and color. Halfway done when Wes screeches like he's got a fucking green death-slug crawling up his arm.

"What's wrong?" Thought he'd be happy for the extra help.

"My cabinets," Wes squeaks. Think his voice is trembling a little. "Wh- what're you doing to them?"

"Organizing them. They're out of order. How do you fucking find anything?"

"Oh, Devin." His eyes are huge and shiny like he's gonna fucking kiss me or something. The fuck? "I have a system - like with your tools, y'know? This is where I keep all the breakfast stuff." He points to the cabinet where I just finished putting all the things in green containers, picks up a couple things off the counter.

Wait, what? He's gonna put that brown box of fucking cereal next to a white bag of... whatever that is?

Don't have much time to think about that, though. Wes puts down the groceries he's holding, wraps his arms around me from behind. "Here, let me help you put these things away. You've gotta see where everything goes!"

"Fine, Wes." Sound fucking grumpy but I'm grinning. "Just don't use this as a fucking excuse to grope me."

* * * * *
Rest of the afternoon's pretty normal. Organizing the kitchen. Soup and sandwiches for lunch - fucking delicious.

Wes brings up that fucking Festival every 20 minutes or so. Looks so hopeful when he does it, too. Wish more than anything I could just call Kalen and reschedule, but he said it was important. Just hope we finish up early tomorrow so Wes can get his wish. In the meantime, just have to keep him entertained. Good thing that isn't hard to do.

"Up for some SimFighting?" Reach for my headset before he gets a chance to answer.

No way is Wes gonna say no. Dude fucking loves SimFighting, even though he's terrible at it. Can't stay alive more than a minute or two on his own. We play co-op, and I cover Wes while he takes all the kills. Smirk at the way he moves his whole body when he plays. As if flailing his arms and legs is gonna somehow make his SimFighter jump better. Almost fucking knocks me over a few times. You know what, though? It's okay. Kinda hard not to enjoy myself when he's all fucking lit up like that.

"You got any plans tonight, dude?" Wes pulls off his SimFighting headset, stretches.

"Yeah, I'm pretty fucking busy tonight - busy watching Revenge of the Thirty-Fanged Growler with you."

"Dude!" Wes breathes. "I've been waiting forever for that to come out on neurovision."

Fucking know he has. Think he might explode or something. He's fucking quivering, bouncing up and down.

"This is gonna be so amazing! I'll make us pizza and crunchbugs and... and - " Wes cuts himself off, launches himself at me with a yelp of pure joy. Don't have the heart to tell him he's cracking my fucking vertebrae.

Too bad the vid doesn't start until ten at night. Wes is yawning his fucking head off a third of the way through. Poor dude's a morning person - not used to being up this late at all. Doesn't stop him from bouncing up and down so hard the whole fucking couch shakes. Doesn't keep him from squealing and clutching my arm at the scary parts, either.

Kinda don't notice how quiet he's gotten until I feel a weight on my shoulder. Look down to see his head resting against me, eyes closed and this tiny smile on his face. Think he might even be snoring a little. Cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

"Hey, Wes," I whisper. "Wake up. Best part's about to come on."

"Nuh uh. Too comfy." Wes sighs, wraps his arms around me. Like I'm some kind of fucking stuffed toy.

I squirm, try to get away. Not sure I'm comfy. We're just roommates, okay? He's my best friend in the world, but cuddling? Think I draw the fucking line there. Or I would, if I could get Wes to move. No matter how I try to shift positions, he doesn't budge. Dude's stronger than he looks, because he's got a grip of fucking UberSteel.

No point in fighting it, right? Wes isn't gonna move unless I wake him up. Don't have the heart to do that. Drape my arm around his shoulders instead. Give his arm a pat. "Sleep well, buddy," I mutter. Might even smile as I say it - just a tiny bit.

What? Can't fucking get him off me anyway - might as well get comfortable, too.

* * * * *
"When's Kalen gonna get here?" Wes asks for the third time in the past 20 minutes. Poor dude's a nervous wreck - pacing our living room and all but wringing his fucking hands. "We're never gonna make it to the Festival if he doesn't hurry up."

Hate seeing him worked up like this. Almost never do. I wrack my brain, trying to think of something to distract him. Start to get a little nervous myself, but then inspiration strikes. "Don't worry, Wes." I walk over to him, rest a hand on his arm. "Gonna make sure you have your Festival one way or another. Why don't you go research it on the Splinternet now? Find out all the traditions. If we can't get there in time, we can just make our own Festival here at home."

The way his face lights up makes my heart fucking melt. Stomach feels a little funny, too - though that might be from all those crunchbugs I ate last night during our monster vid.

"Devin, dude, you're a genius!" Wes screeches. Gives me one of his bone-breaking hugs before he rushes out of the room. "This is gonna be the best Reaping Festival ever!"

Don't see him again until after Kalen leaves. I triple-bolt the door, arm the security system. Always good to be fucking safe. Try not to worry about whether we'll ever be safe again, now that I know what Kalen's been working on. Not a robot at all - a bomb. A fucking bomb. Asked him what it was for, and he said I didn't want to know. Kinda don't. Don't want to think about it much at all.

I expect Wes to be all over me, dragging me out the door to that fucking Festival. He's nowhere to be found. I'm about to go look for him when he appears, carrying the two ugliest hats I've ever seen.

"The fuck are those?" Pretty sure I'm not gonna like the answer to that question.

"They're for us! I made them!" Wes proclaims with a triumphant grin. "They're traditional Festival hats."

"They have fruit on them." I eye the hats with suspicion. "Fucking fruit, Wes."

"C'mon, dude, at least try it on." Wes holds one of the fruity monstrosities out to me. "I made it just for you."

Really don't want to. Hat's beyond hideous and it's made of straw. It's gonna mess up my hair, maybe even give me fucking split ends. But Wes is watching me and he probably spent all day on these ridiculous things.

Wes's eyes shine with pride as I put on the humiliating hat. He dons his own, beaming like the fucking sun.

"Feel like a fucking idiot with this thing on my head," I grumble, but make no move to take it off.

"Awww, but you look so pretty in it." Swear Wes fucking sighs. "Besides, everyone'll be wearing them."

But when we get to the Festival we're the only two morons wearing those fucking hats. Turns out that tradition was abandoned years ago. Of fucking course. We get a lot of comments from people walking by. They're just strangers, though. I don't give a shit.

"Wanna take our hats off now?" Wes asks, looking a little embarrassed.

I kinda do, but he spent all afternoon on these works of "art". I'm not gonna just hand mine to the nearest WasteBot. Besides, my hair's already messed up now anyway. "Fuck it, let's wear them anyway, man," I tell him. "Fruit is fucking cheerful."

Wes looks like he's about to hug me as his face lights up under the brim of his own fruity headpiece.

Definitely better to wear the stupid hat.

"So what do you wanna do first?" Wes chirps, grabbing my arm. "There's the SimCoasters and the real ones and a pie contest and the midway and this booth where you dress up like old-time swordsmasters and get a vidframe of it, and - "

Really do have to fucking wonder sometimes how he doesn't pass out from lack of air.

"Whatever." Even my enormous hat can't hide my ridiculous grin, but I can't fucking help it. "Whatever makes you happy."

* * * * *
It's late as fuck and I can't fucking sleep. Probably all the sugar in that blue MegaSlush I had at the Festival. I get out of bed, check the locks and the security system one more time. Fucking silly. The defenses on this house are fucking airtight. Wes and I are as safe as two people can be. For now, anyway.

Kalen's got a fucking bomb. I helped him build it. Everything could fucking change.

I kinda want to knock on Wes's door, just to talk. Not be alone with my fucking ridiculous thoughts. But he's asleep. Probably been out a couple hours already. Besides, I don't want to scare him. Wes hasn't been through the things I have. Doesn't deserve to be afraid for no fucking reason. Have to be strong for him if anything happens.

Not that anything's gonna happen anyway. Keep telling myself that as I wait for sleep to come.


(Next chapter is here)

Comments

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I can help.

For the descriptions. One way to go, that I've used myself, is to have the POV character describe the person they've met and contrast their appearance with themselves. Like how Calla compares her skin color with Kalen's in the 1st chapter.

In my novel I had the main character, Zoe, do it by describing her dead sister, Nat, who she thinks was perfect then saying Nat was the complete opposite of her and then describing her own appearance in a self-depricating manner because she doesn't think she's pretty.

For the age thing a good time to maybe mention it is during the grocery shopping trip when Wes is acting like a little kid. Devin could think something about how you'd never guess Wes was 20. Or have him think about how he left all that kid stuff behind when they were like eleven but 10 years later and Wes still hasn't grown up. Maybe even a throw away about how that's one of the things he likes about Wes. Then have him shrug it off because of his raging case of denial.

Also see my note on chapter one about having the characters tell the story to the reader instead of just thinking the events to themselves. It might help.

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, the shopping trip would be a really good time for their ages to come up. Although Devin really has no right to call anyone immature, but it's a different kind of immaturity and he still would in Wes's case, even though he mostly thinks it's cute.

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

thinking the immaturity is cute is just so loveable in Devin. Awwww.

Deving and Wes sitting in a tree...

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I really shouldn't tell you cute things about Devin. He's kind of an ass.

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. It's still cute though. Gives him depth. He obviously has a soft spot for Wes. He could be the most evil person in the world and it would still be cute how he treats and thinks about Wes. I think it's because it's such a contrast with what he presents outward and how he is with everyone else.

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Devin would really prefer for everyone to think he doesn't care about anything. He would probably prefer to believe he doesn't care about anything, too. It doesn't always work in either case.

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

See, that's how I picture him and that's usually the kind of character I like. But I don't know how his character turns out at the end. Usually in the book they eventually grow and show their feelings and turn out to be okay guys just with bad outward attitudes. I love the "bad guy with a heart of gold" character. That's probably why I'm writing Colby as a real jackass at first so then you can peel back the layers and see it's all a cover for the pain he's suffering inside. He wants everyone to leave him alone about his girlfriend's death but he can't leave it alone himself because he really misses her despite acting like he doesn't.

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

All I will say is I'm a sucker for a good redemption arc. Whether I'm writing any redemption arcs, who they are for, and whether they will be good are all up for speculation. :D

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

I think the redemption in my novel is mostly internal for each of the main characters. No one else blames them for Nat dying except them. They blame themselves (for different reasons) and blame each other.

They were both good people before but have fallen with the sudden loss and all the guilt they are holding (both are having survivor's guilt besides the blame game thing). Zoe has stopped talking to her best friends, going so far as to actively ignore them in school and to brush them off with lame excuses. She's defiant and moody and not very fun to be around.

Colby turns into a real asshole, taking his pain out on the world at large, especially Zoe. He loses a lot of friends at school (he was really popular--a basketball player). So at the start people have low opinions of them and they come off as not very nice. I'm hoping to portray them slowly coming out of their protective shells with the help of each other (their least likely ally) until they can be forgiven by their friends, each other and by themselves. In the version I have now that comes off way too soon with no real conflict at all. It's going to be a total rewrite of everything, I think.

I love the redemption story arc, too. It's always full of angst which I breathe. One of my favorite YA romance books (actually it was marketed as NA and was only online, self published) is the 3rd book in a series about some teen actors. The first book is about Emma who gets her first big acting job doing a remake of Pride and Prejudice (which the story is loosely based off of). Her costar is the super popular Reid who is a big name star at 18 and known as a player.

The story is from both their POVs and doesn't hold back on what a real asshole Reid is. Even though he's doing his best to bed Emma before the end of the shoot (although he did really like her, he's just too messed up to know how to deal with it) he continues to sleep with a new girl every night. His shining moment was when they break up (they start going out and he stops sleeping around but he's tempted way too much and often to be a nice guy). Emma is upset about something she found out about Reid and avoids him. Instead of Reid finding out what was wrong he goes out and bangs some other cast member and shoves it right in her face. Nice.

In the 2nd book there are 4 POVs as Reid's ex girlfriend tries to steals Emma new boyfriend (one of their other cast members). The whole book has him playing and manipulating Emma, trying to break up her deliriously happy relationship. He gets some redemption at the end when he finally gets the girl he realizes how horrible he's been and blows their plan by telling her to go talk to the other guy.

The third book has just him from the cast (although there are cameos from the other 3 from book 2). It's the best because it shows him from his low point--crashing his brand new Porche into a house displacing the low income family that lives there through him doing community service with Habitat for Humanity (building a new house for the family) and falling in love with the girl that volunteers there who is the complete opposite of him. By the end he's so in love with her he wants to be the kind of guy she'd want to be with, that she thinks he could be. He starts out changing just so she'd like him but in the end he does it for himself because it feels good, he likes how he feels as a better person. He donates a ton of money to charities she's involved with because he wants to help (including buying cars for 3 of the family members of the house he ruined). He has a complete 180 and it was perfectly angsty and torturous to watch. Funny, too (because he's a total fuck up by nature).

Book 4 which comes out this year shows the other chick (the one plotting to steal the boyfriend from book 2) get her redemption. But I loved book 3 the best. It made my favorite list at goodreads which doesn't have many books.

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I figured it probably wasn't really either of their faults but that's such an impossible thing for a kid to handle. I think it's natural to have survivor's guilt in a situation like that, and to act out and/or push people away. Poor things. :\

Oh, rock bottom. How I love you in fiction. No point in lifting them up if you can't crush them first, is there? I'm terrible. But I love the angst.

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

Part of Zoe's problem is she's never had that, "it should have been me" feeling about her sister's death. She's happy to have survived the crash which just leads to a ton of guilt because she doesn't think it's right to be happy it was her sister that died and not her. She thinks people that love each other should think, "if I could change places with her I would." But she doesn't feel that way at all. Total survivor's guilt.

Colby is more of what Zoe thinks she should be. He really believes it should have been him instead of Nat because she was a better person. Which is probably why he turns into a real asshole because that's how he sees himself inside so why not act like it all the time.

They're both screwed up and both refusing professional help because they're angsty teenagers (Colby is 18 and Zoe is 16). They blame each other for different reasons and because each brings back bad memories and sadness they avoid each other when they are really like binary stars--always circling each other, sometimes getting close, sometimes moving away but always and irrevocably connected by the death of Nat. They need each other but can't even admit that to themselves. Their the only two that really understand the pain each is going through because they were there. They both survived and the person they both loved didn't.

If I can capture the tone and write it right it would be a really beautiful coming of age, finding love in the least likely place kind of love. I'm not sure I can do it, though.

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I love the idea of that. I hope you keep working on it because I would love to see you get it right. :D

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

Rewriting is hard. *wails*
I can't do it. I can't. I hate writing. Stupid book. Stupid story. Why you no work right first time?
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Sigh. I can't think straight tonight. And totally not in the frame of mind to write. Very frustrating because I WANT to work on this book. Being objective with your own work is hard, too. Maybe I just need to go do something else. Play SimCity or something.

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I feel you on that. I had massive sleep fail last night where I woke up at 2:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep, so after a while I just lay there and tried to pick apart some of the things you'd say about chapter 5. This was illuminating but didn't really help me sleep. I finally gave up.

The more I tear apart my chapters and rewrite them, the more I'm like ahhhhh why is this so haaaaard? I don't think I tore them up enough at the beginning at all.

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

See, that's my problem, too. I'm not really taking them apart this time around and I know it's going to be trouble later. I'm also having trouble switching gears from my usual writing style of short stories to the longer novel format where things need to be drawn out over 300 pages. A lot like yours, each of my chapters wraps up to neatly with a little bow. But, I don't think there's enough going on in my chapters to qualify as "little stories" to wrap up. It just reads choppy to me. Ugh.

I think I decided to just clean up the chapters I have (so their readable because the spelling and stuff is bad since I wasn't self editing as I wrote them) and then do like I'm doing for yours--go scene by scene and ask a million questions.

I was also thinking last night (I did finally work on chapter 2) that there needed to be something else between ch. 1 and 2 but when I tried to write it nothing good came out. Now I'm wondering if the book isn't calling out to be written from 2 POVs and what I need is a Colby chapter in between?

Re: to start

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

You know, that might be your problem. I've noticed that when a story is falling flat for me sometimes it's either the wrong POV or I'm not starting at the right place.

And your notes on chapter 5 so far have been super helpful because of what you said here about short story versus novel. Like some of the places where you questioned the characters' reactions in that chapter? There are a couple places I think they're off, but for the most part, I think they're correct in that moment. Which is fine except in a novel I need to show all the relevant moments, which includes the ones where the characters had the real reactions.

This sounds like such a "duh" thing when I state it like that but it was actually a really huge eye-opener for me because I've never done this before.

Re: to start

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

I'm probably going to try writing a scene from Colby's POV tonight. I had gone back and forth whether to make it a 2 person POV story from the start but stuck with just Zoe's. I think my reasoning was I didn't want to show too much of how Colby's reacting because it takes away from Zoe's confusion over the situation. But that sounds silly now because I LOVE to read that kind of back and forth POV. I love seeing the guy's reaction to stuff. Adding his anger in would probably increase the tension, too.

I didn't really start thinking about my choppy chapters until I was going over your story. When I went back and read mine I was like this is shit, I'm not writing a bunch of short stories. Even in my longer fanfics they tend to play out with neat little chapters that tie themselves into a bow. I guess it's just the way I tend to write but it's no good for a novel. I mean, chapters should have some kind of closure but not a neat bow. It's going to be tough for me to stop that habit. Ugh.