I think my problem with Kalen's character is (based on the written earlier chapters) it's fake. Everything that is set up earlier is taken away. I get that is in a funk for almost killing people and screwing everything up but even then people maintain some of their personality. He's been trained as a fighter, no? Has worked with the military or something. He's a genius. He'd have at least some resiliency I'd think. And the brains to move forward.
Really what he needs is a metaphorical slap in the face from Calla and then for him to stand up and start acting like the Kalen from the first chapter. If he's not going to do that then something from the beginning needs to be changed.
Same with his friendship with Calla. We talked about it before (how it wasn't important and might be cut). I think you should either weave a real friendship into the rest of the story or show them different at the beginning. Even Kalen's cockiness and stuff. It doesn't seem right for him to be so cocky when he's such a whiny bitch. He can have the bravado but maybe if Calla mentions that she thinks it is bravado and not real cockiness, that sometimes he seems like two completely different people with his behavior the later stuff might seem believable.
I have no idea if any of that made sense or if I sounded like a jerk. I'm still having trouble getting my brain to work which is starting to piss me off because it makes explaining what I mean nearly impossible.
The main point I was trying to make for this scene was there has to be a better way to get this information across.
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timeasmymeasure
scene 2-kalen & calla thoughts
Date: 2013-03-25 06:04 pm (UTC)I think my problem with Kalen's character is (based on the written earlier chapters) it's fake. Everything that is set up earlier is taken away. I get that is in a funk for almost killing people and screwing everything up but even then people maintain some of their personality. He's been trained as a fighter, no? Has worked with the military or something. He's a genius. He'd have at least some resiliency I'd think. And the brains to move forward.
Really what he needs is a metaphorical slap in the face from Calla and then for him to stand up and start acting like the Kalen from the first chapter. If he's not going to do that then something from the beginning needs to be changed.
Same with his friendship with Calla. We talked about it before (how it wasn't important and might be cut). I think you should either weave a real friendship into the rest of the story or show them different at the beginning. Even Kalen's cockiness and stuff. It doesn't seem right for him to be so cocky when he's such a whiny bitch. He can have the bravado but maybe if Calla mentions that she thinks it is bravado and not real cockiness, that sometimes he seems like two completely different people with his behavior the later stuff might seem believable.
I have no idea if any of that made sense or if I sounded like a jerk. I'm still having trouble getting my brain to work which is starting to piss me off because it makes explaining what I mean nearly impossible.
The main point I was trying to make for this scene was there has to be a better way to get this information across.